My Creations (by Crystal)

Kale Chips

2011-12-13T11:37:00.000-08:00

I recently have been thinking of doing more with both raw food for the enzyme count and also cooking with less and eating less grains/starches. Today I watched a doctor recovering from MS talk about eating huge amounts more veggies than what are in a standard American diet. Her suggestions: per day; 3 cups of greens, 3 cups of sulfur rich veggies (cabbage/onions), 3 cups colored fruits and veggies, wild fish, grass fed red meat. Per week; organ meats and seaweed. All the meats are easy for me. But the greens, my goodness that's all lot of veggies. I think I am going to try though. Here is a suggestion she gave for snacks, I took this base recipe from a dehydrator recipe site, and then added a few tweeks. I have not tried it yet, as this site serves also as an online recipe index for me. I will update this post once I try it. (Which will be sometime this week. Uhh, hopefully.)

Raw Kale Chips (makes 4-5 dehydrator trays)

Ingredients:

* 2-3 bunches dinasaur or black kale, washed and lightly patted dry with cloth towel
* 1 cup nutritional yeast
* 1 teaspoon paprika (or curry)
* 4 garlic cloves mashed
* 2 fresh squeezed lemons
* 1/2 cup water
* 1/2 tsp salt

Blend all ingredients (except kale) in a bowl large enough to fit at least one bunch of kale.

Remove and discard stems from kale. Tear kale into bite size pieces. Working in batches, toss kale into the bowl with the liquid and keep tossing with your hands until each piece of kale is thoroughly coated. Squeeze off extra liquid and place kale in a single layer on a dehydrator screened tray fitted with a teflex sheet. Continue with remaining kale. (You should have enough kale to cover 7-8 dehydrator trays).

Place kale laden dehydrator trays in the dehydrator set at 145� and dehydrate for 2 hours.
Lower the heat to 118� and dehydrate for another 4-6 hours.

Remove kale laden dehydrator trays from dehydrator. Kale will be slightly stuck to teflex sheets. Flip teflex sheets over and place face down on dehydrator trays. Gently peel the teflex sheets from the kale,* leaving the kale directly on the screens of the dehydrator trays and dehydrate for another 1-2 hours. When done kale should be completely dried and reduced in size by half.

Store in an airtight container.

* If you try to peel the kale from the teflex sheets instead of peel the teflex sheets from the kale, the kale will shatter in your hands. So, flip the teflex sheets and peel the teflex sheets from the kale!

Variations:

� Try using a few sprigs of very fresh (i.e. you picked it in your garden this morning) rosemary �when dehydrated nibble the leaves off the stems. Delicious!

� DO NOT substitute chard or spinach - those leaves do not have enough body and will dry too thin and stick to dehydrator screens!

Ingredient #5, Lack of Want

2011-12-09T22:45:00.000-08:00

So I have a few back notes and this was my next one I was going to elaborate on. My sister-in-law Anna posted a comment today on a separate ingredient. It fits this ingredient. Here is her thought,

"Humor, cheerful heart/face, and thankfulness. These are interconnected, and all are integral to a peaceful, joyful home. As the proverbs say, a merry heart does good like a medicine! (paraphrased) (Probably gratitude is one of the deeper ones, from which the other two can spring.)

This attitude expresses my thought of a lack of want, or in the positive, a heart of gratitude. If we are always striving for something, we can never sit back and enjoy what good is in our lives. One of the traditional daily prayers for the Amidah is a prayer for "The Deliverance from Want." It goes like this:

"Bless this year for us, O Lord our God, together with all the varieties of its produce, for our welfare. Bestow dew and rain for a blessing upon the face of the earth. O satisfy us with Your goodness, and bless our year like the best of years."

Every year and every day God gives us good things. We may not have much, or we may have lots, but its our job to be thankful, and a thankful content heart is a happy peaceful heart.

Ingredient #4, Positive Attention Towards Children

2011-12-08T21:34:00.000-08:00

Fillin' up the youngin's love tank.

I am a firm believer that this one trumps discipline for house hold sanity where children are concerned. Some of the least peaceful homes I know are heavy disciplinarians, while they are light on the positive feel goods. Every child is so different and it takes time to know how each one needs to be loved. The more we as parents give, the more content the child is and consequently the more peaceful the home. Not to say there is not a need for discipline, but the first order in line is the positive love. If an abundance of positive love is not happening, only anger will be sown when parents are trying to plant the seeds of discipline.

Ingredient #3, Respectful Wife

2011-12-08T21:32:00.000-08:00

Yes, wife. If your husband is trying to love you, and you stink on his head, this will not create harmony.

Hmm, no comment.

Choco choco Chip COOOkies (Gluten Free)

2011-12-08T21:15:00.000-08:00

This recipe is based on AllRecipe's Chocolate Truffle Cookie recipe.

Yum Yum...

Ingredients

3/4 cup gluten free flour blend (my current favorite blend: 1 part millet, 1 part oat, 1/2 part teff, 1 part starch of any sort)
1 tsp guar gum
1/4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups choco chips, for melting into the cookie dough
2 tablespoons butter (I use clarified butter or ghee)
2 eggs (or 1/2 cup soft tofu)
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/3 cup choco chips (unmelted) for mixing into the prepared cookie dough
2 tablespoons coarse sea salt, or as needed

Directions

In a heatproof bowl over a double boiler, melt chocolate and butter until smooth. Turn off the stove and let chocolate sit over warm water.
Combine flour, guar gum, baking powder and salt and mix to combine. In another bowl, mix together sugar and eggs (or soft tufu), combine thoroughly with a whisk and slowly add the warm chocolate mixture. Stir to combine. Add vanilla extract and mix. Stir in flour mixture. Cool for a few minutes (if batter is warm, chocolate chips will melt). Stir in chocolate chips. Chill for 10-15 minutes.
Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees. Scoop rounded tablespoons of batter and place on baking tray. Sprinkle each cookie lightly with a pinch of sea salt. Bake at 350 degrees for approximately 10-12 minutes until the outside looks slightly cracked. Be very careful not to over bake cookies because they will continue to bake as they cool once removed from the oven. Cookies should be soft and gooey in the center.

Ingredients for a Peaceful Home: Ingredient #2, Orderliness

2011-11-28T22:40:00.000-08:00

The tidier the house, the more sane everyone feels.

Some suggestions I have found to be helpful:
*Get rid of decorative clutter, and unnecessary stuff (Goodwill drop offs are a regular at my house).
*Invest in thought-out storage options. Target is a fantastic place for these sorts of things.
*Train good habits in your children, this takes time and consistency but pays good rewards.
*Keep up with the dishes, and keep your kitchen counters as clear as possible, even while you are cooking.
*Have a habit of de-cluttering, sweeping up your house every morning first thing after you get dressed, before you leave the house or do other work. Then do the deep cleaning on one day, the same day of every week.

Of course there is a caveat, orderliness is not the means to the end, and if one is creating strife in the act of cleaning, peace has not been achieved. There is a good balance, but it tends to weigh heavy on the order side, with the exceptions being that of disorder.

Ingredients for a Peaceful Home. Ingredient #1, Loving Husband

2011-11-28T22:35:00.000-08:00

A husband and father who is willing to do all he can not to be selfish; to help his wife, actively love his wife and love his children with all of his strength.

This point I believe is the number one thing to a peaceful home, from my observations. Men if you are reading this take it to heart. I firmly believe that manly love is essential, the number one thing to your wife and children's well being.

Where the Angels Sleep

2011-10-25T23:28:00.000-07:00

The day was October 11, the day the little ones left me. I had started out making a birthday card for my mom that day, and decided on a video. It turned into this. My year in photos.

The problem is, the two little cuties are missing from the photos. They were our foster children and taking them in was a very essential part of this year for us. I didn’t know where they slept 3 weeks ago, tonight nor will I any more. I will sorely miss Duck-feet at 7am sharp, and all his questions and silly jokes, and certainly his permanent smile. The little Princessa who ruled her roost, our “Spanish Rose,” will no longer continue to blossom here. But hope, hope she will continue wherever she is as she grows, and those duck feet will always be wanted and real questions will still be asked. I hope, hope someone who knows, and cares will be there for him, to answer. This song has never before been so pertinent to me, as a child like mine would ask, “Ha Crystal, angels are real?” But I don’t know where the angels sleep. Only God knows, and He alone is perfectly faithful.

A New Year

2011-10-25T22:13:00.000-07:00

Yep. Kids are gone. It's time to blog again.

Helping the Mute

2011-04-21T12:14:00.000-07:00

"Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute."
(Proverbs 31:8)

What are the things on this earth, closest to the Father's heart?

I had a dream about my Grandmother last night. I dreamt that my family was going to put her in a nursing home because nobody could care for her. In my dream she was helpless; she couldn't talk, couldn't do things for herself and basically couldn't move. Everyone thought it didn't matter what happened to her because as long as she was dumb and seemed incapable of feeling, they could institutionalize her. I chose to move in with her and care for her, and in my dream an overwhelming love for her surrounded me and I could see in her eyes a "thank you" even if she couldn't speak it. I remember thinking that it all matters, even if it doesn't seem to. One day we all will be able to talk, and retell everything said in secret, and it all will bear fruit.

My sister hit her head badly a number of years ago and was unconscious for two weeks afterward. She said it was the weirdest thing because although she couldn't speak she still knew what was going on around her.

When I was in college I worked as a CNA for a summer in a nursing home. There was an old lady there who was bed ridden, couldn't move on her own correctly and couldn't talk. She had a reputation for scratching people. When I was getting trained I saw how the people talked in her presence, and how roughly they handled her, as if she were an object, not a human being. There was a Bible sitting on her shelf. When I looked in her eyes, she was sad, and scared, but not mean. When I touched her I was sure to be gentle and speak kindly to her. She never scratched me.

Yesterday I watched a video of a girl with autism who learned to speak through typing. She thinks and feels like a normal girl, even though her body seems completely insane.

It is no wonder I dreamt this way of my Grandmother who died almost 15 years ago.

Medicaid probably won't be there for our parents. What is going to happen? Nursing homes are expensive, and from my experience cold, hostile, lonely places. I wonder how many of us, their children, will be able to see our folks with eyes of compassion and love, in the midst of their fear and confusion, and be able to remember the days when we too couldn't talk, when we needed our diapers changed and struggled with fits of anger. How many of us will be able to step back from our "too busy" and greedy lives and offer a haven for those in need? I believe the answer to our country's problem should not rest in the government's hands, but instead in our own homes.

May God make me strong and mature so that I can deal gracefully with whatever comes my way. May my door always be open and my hand held out no matter how much it hurts.

"Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the LORD your God is giving you." (Exodus 20:12)

"Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation."
(Psalm 68:5)

Date Night in the ER

2011-02-21T12:17:00.000-08:00

There is a Jewish blessing for going to the bathroom. It goes like this:

Blessed are You, LORD our God, Master of the universe, who formed
mankind in wisdom, and created in him all manner of openings
and cavities. It is manifest and known before the throne of your glory
that if any one of them ruptured or were blocked,
it would be impossible to survive and stand before You.
Blessed are You, LORD, who heals all flesh and is wonderful in His acts.

When my husband and I first heard this prayer, we laughed. It is funny! I don't laugh anymore, although I still think it is humorous. Today I am printing this out and posting it near my throne.

Last Thursday evening we found ourselves in the emergency room because something was blocked inside of me and was causing intense pain. Seven years ago I had a tubal pregnancy, or ectopic pregnancy, which is when a fertilized embryo implants itself in the wrong spot, usually a fallopian tube instead of in the uterus. The doctors had to remove part of one of my tubes after the pregnancy sack had grown to the size of a walnut. A fallopian tube is the width of a your pinky. It was a small miracle the tube did not burst and I did not hemorrhage inside. The baby inside had died weeks prior.

Two weeks ago I had found out I was pregnant. It was the first conception we have had since the tubal. We were ecstatic! Although the entire week, neither Justin nor I could fully allow our hearts to let down the guard that had grown around them over the years, with literally dozens of full fledged disappointments. Not all of the disappointments have had to do with children, only heart felt dreams that one by one have been smashed. We have almost begun to get used to it. Such is life right?

Sunday, one week later I started bleeding. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon, and I was too sad to cry. "Does it really have to be this way?" Why, is irrelevant, already answered. Eve sinned. We live in a fallen world. It is going to hurt. But does it really have to be this way?

Monday, I got the ultrasound and blood tests done, to monitor for another ectopic pregnancy. Everything looked like a normal miscarriage. The doctors told me to go home, take it easy and drilled us on the signs for internal hemorrhaging; fever over 101, dizziness, loss of color in the face and most of all intense abdominal pain. Watching oneself for signs of internal hemorrhaging generally is not fully peaceful. Although I will admit, I have not felt much fear this time around, perhaps not any. I think I can chalk this up to an ever growing loving and generous husband in recent years, and especially over the course of that week.

Tuesday I had a friend over. That afternoon we sat down to a cup of tea together and after two sips my belly started to ache down low. I thought perhaps I had to go to the bathroom. I went and sat down on the throne. That is when the waves of intense pain first came. Out of the bathroom I told my friend to watch my face. "If it flushes white take me to the ER" She was um, rattled? That was a nice relaxing tea time. My belly calmed down, with no episodes.

Thursday evening after dinner we had another friend over. Same story. This time worse, except Justin was home. He took me to the emergency room, while our friend took care of our 8 year old daughter. Justin and I sat in the stark white room, and listened to the mumbled activity, and all the beeping and scurrying outside our room for a total of 5 hours. By midnight there was no longer laughing and joking between us like there was before while Justin snooped around and pretended to be a doctor. Instead Justin's head was bobbing so hard, as he was falling asleep in his chair, I thought he was going to get a concussion on the ER floor. I told him it would be okay though, he wouldn't bleed too long because we were already at the hospital. In those five hours I got x-rays, multiple blood tests, and I even got to be wheeled around the ER in a white bed and show of my toosh under the hospital gown a couple times on accident. Justin assured me they were all used to it, no need for embarrassment! I know now why the nurse told me to put on the fancy pants they provided. They are not quite as pretty as the ones I had on. The blood test came back and it was a definite miscarriage, no tubal in there. Phew! The diagnosis was a bad case of constipation, made worse by an inflamed uterus. They sent me home with a prescription for narcotics (go figure!) and a recommended dosage for regular ibuprofen and laxatives. Now I can say I have been to the emergency room because I was plugged up, on the other side.

Today as everything settles down, I can again recite this prayer...

...with a very solemn face and thankful heart.

Bad Government

2010-12-29T19:07:00.001-08:00

Miriam crawls into the kitchen toting a tupperwear full of blankets and toys.

"Look at my horses Mom. Isn't that a big load they are pulling?"

"Oh, yah it is. Why are they pulling it?"

"They are moving. The government made them move," she says.

"Oh, that is not a very good government."

"Well, you're the government Mom. You're making me clean my room!"

Tuna Chowder

2010-12-28T11:35:00.000-08:00

I have had a couple of requests for this chowder so I thought I would blog it. It is very tasty. The base recipe is "Nourishing Traditions," Oyster Chowder, but I have heavily modified it to fit our diet.

The biggest key to getting it tasty is a good fish stock. To do this boil a couple fish heads and carcasses with 1/4 cup of vinegar or wine, and enough water to keep them covered for a couple days on low, then strain it all out. This is your base broth or stock. This can be frozen by the quart and used for multiple recipes.

Here is the tuna chowder recipe:

2-3 onions finely chopped

1 whole red chili pepper (chopped if you don't mind powerful hot bites)

1/2 cup ghee (clarified) butter, or regular butter (liberal 1/2 cup)

1/3 cup Bob's All Purpose Gluten-Free Flour, or regular white flour

2 Tbl arrowroot flour

2 cups potatoes, chopped in 1/4 inch pieces

salt to taste, (about 2-3 teaspoons)

1 quart of thick (gelatinous) fish stock

2 quarts water, (or more stock, if it is thinner fish stock)

1 pint of tuna or other cooked, chopped fish

*saute in soup pot until golden

2 onions finely chopped

1 whole red chili pepper

1/2 cup butter

*add

1/3 cup flour

2 tbl arrowroot flour

*saute/stir for 3 minutes

*add

1 quart of thick (gelatinous) fish stock

2 quarts water, or more thinner fish stock

*bring this to a boil

*add

2 cups potatoes, chopped in 1/4 inch pieces

salt to taste, (about 2-3 teaspoons)

*boil this until potatoes are cooked (10 minutes)

*add

1 pint of tuna or other cooked, chopped fish

*serve with dairy cream or cashew cream and a dash of nutmeg

Hedge of Protection Around my Pancreas

2010-12-22T21:08:00.001-08:00

Smiles

2010-12-22T17:39:00.000-08:00

New Blog

2010-12-21T07:50:00.000-08:00

I have created a new blog, of my daily ponderings from God's Word. The link is here:

http://spiritofruth.blogspot.com/

L' Chaim

2010-12-14T16:43:00.000-08:00

"Except for the life of the mother.." What mother would not give her life for her child? I don't know one. But, what if their lives are still connected and it is either the baby's life, or both the lives that go? Does it matter that the baby is not bigger than a walnut? Does it matter that the baby may have to deal with hardships his entire life, if he lives? These are the ethical questions, that one cannot comprehend the depth of anguish in the heart of a mom, until and unless they have been there.

I thank God, I did not have to face the "choice" to kill my baby. After a tubal pregnancy, I still have the fear that I may have to face it someday. Although ethically and logically I am at peace knowing that to save life, no matter what, is the answer. As a mom,the emotional consequences of a decision like that still haunt me a little. My baby's heart was not beating in me during the ultrasound, it had died about 2 weeks prior. For a couple of years after, my heart would beat rapidly and I would get a little shaky when I thought I might be pregnant, because I was so scared to have to face this decision. It was not facing the trauma of another tubal, and the possibility of internal hemorrhaging, it was having to face this question that scared me the most. Month after month went by with no pregnancies, and after a few years, I came to terms with the "what ifs." God healed my heart, and gave me peace and trust, where it had been shaken. But it took time and a continual abiding in Him. That was 7 years ago.

Life is a precious thing.

This is a comment I made from a discussion on my cousin's blog: Jessi's Journal

"A Shephard Looks..." Quote

2010-12-14T09:22:00.000-08:00

He was the most balanced and perhaps the most beloved being ever to enter the society of men. Though born amid most disgusting surroundings, the member of a modest working family, He bore Himself always with great dignity and assurance. Though He enjoyed no special advantages as a child, either in education or employment, His entire philosophy and outlook on life were the highest standards of human conduct ever set before mankind. Though He had no vast economic assets, political power, or military might, no other person ever made such an enormous impact on the world's history. Because of Him, millions of people across almost twenty centuries of time have come into a life of decency and honor and noble conduct.

Not only was He gentle and tender and true but also righteous, stern as steel, and terribly tough on phony people.

He was magnificent in His magnanimous spirit of forgiveness for fallen folk but a terror to those who indulged in double talk or false pretenses.

He came to set men free from their own sins, their own selves, their own fears. Those so liberated loved Him with fierce loyalty.

"A Shephard Looks at Psalm 23" by Phillip Keller, Page 20

Coupons!

2010-12-11T17:31:00.001-08:00

Last year in MOPS we had a lady come and teach us how to use coupons, for real. Not just piddly little couple dollars off here and there, when I remember, but real savings, as in $100 or more every month. I thought the system looked awesome and I tried it for 2 months. No go. Darn. Manufacturer's coupons don't work when one doesn't buy manufactured food. I cook mostly from scratch, so this poses a problem. Well needless to say, I quit. But, in the meantime, I ended up hooking a couple other friends up with the system and just recently talked to a lady about it again. Now I am inspired again, especially after getting so fed up with our grocery bills over this past year. So, I am committing to the system for 6 months to see just how much I can save. I may not buy the pre-packaged manufactured foods, but I at least buy dry goods and many times the base goods are also on sale, whether or not a coupon is used, which still can make a big difference.

This last week I shopped the adds at Albertson's, used one set of coupons on some frozen veggies, spent $55 and saved according to their original prices $50. Not bad I thought. Albertson's may not be the cheapest store in town, but I can presume I at least cut the bill by 25% of what I would pay at the cheapest store, especially if I stock up and only shop sales items.

The system, is not too complicated, but it does have to be learned. I am a rooky still and don't have it perfected. In a nut shell this is how it works:

You buy enough add papers for the number of people there are in your household. This equals 3 Sunday papers for us. The add papers are not the Wednesday paper, but you are wanting the manufacturer coupons, not necessarily the store coupons. The manufacturers coupons come out on Sundays.

Don't cut the coupons out, until you are ready to use them. Instead write the date on the top and file it according to the type.

Then after Wednesday (after the weekly adds come out) go to the web-site, and the store you want to shop at, and they will have listed the top deals from the regional adds and their corresponding coupons, according to the type and it's date. So you are using a set of coupons along with getting a sales price. Make your shopping list from the web-site according to what your household will eat or use. Cut out your coupons now. Then stock up, max out on the coupons. You will look absurd buying in bulk, (I think they say 4-6 month supplies if I remember right) but it is worth it.

If these directions are confusing, they have more instructions and even videos you can watch on their site.

Here is the site address: www.happymoneysaver.com

My sister would mock me, as being too much like my parents here. "Couponning!" Ha! Well, if that generation did something right, it was being better with finances than us, and we all need to learn again. I will give another update in a few months, perhaps I will even be able to convince my sister.

Cashew Sour-Cream

2010-12-11T17:22:00.000-08:00

A friend of mine gave me this recipe. It is so good and tastes and smells very much like the dairy version. For those of us that are avoiding dairy, it is healthy and a good source of probiotics.

-2 cups raw cashews
-3-4 cups filtered water depending on how thick you want it
-1 tsp salt

*Blend these together in an electric blender for at least 3 minutes
*Put the mix in a clean quart jar and cap
*Leave it on your counter for 12-48 hours or until the cap pressurizes, then transfer to your fridge
*Enjoy!

Chanukah Latkes

2010-12-11T17:11:00.001-08:00

These were asked for every night last week at Chanukah and were super tasty. They are eggless and gluten-free.

3 pounds of potatoes (peeled or not, your choice, not peeled is healthier)
1 onion

-shred these together

add:
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
dash of cayenne pepper
1/4 cup brewer's (nutritional) yeast
3 tablespoons Bob's Red Mill all purpose flour
2 "eggs" using Ener-G egg replacer
enough peanut oil to fry latkes at 1/2 inch depth

-mix all ingredients
-heat oil to 350deg
-pat latke until it's thin in your hand, being careful to get the middle part of the patty also very thin, then put it on a slotted spoon and carefully slide patty in the oil
-fry until brown, flip
-fry until the other side is also brown
-remove with the slotted spoon
-let it drain over a wire rack then transfer to a plate covered with a napkin or a cloth

Serve with your usual latke toppings. We ate lots of cottage cheese, yogurt, apple sauce and jam on ours.

Gratitude

2010-11-11T08:56:00.000-08:00

"As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them." -John Fitzgerald Kennedy

Esa Enai, Psalm 121

2010-11-09T16:46:00.000-08:00

E-sa en-nay el he-harim me-ayin me-ayin ya-vo ez-ri
E-sa en-nay el he-harim me-ayin me-ayin ya-vo ez-ri
Ez-ri me-im Ha-shem o-seh sha-ma-yim va-aretz
Ez-ri me-im Ha-shem o-seh sha-ma-yim va-aretz

I lift up my eyes unto the mountains.
From where, oh from where will my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
maker of heaven and earth.
My help comes from the Lord,
maker of heaven and earth.

Songs, To Learn and Share

2010-11-09T10:10:00.000-08:00

I am going to start recording some of the traditional Hebrew songs I know, and perhaps some others here, for the sake of sharing and helping others learn them. They are beautiful and very deep. My recordings will certainly only be average, considering most will be acapella and recorded on our very cheap digital camera in my living room. It does record okay though, at least it is not too tinny sounding. Perhaps someday, Justin and I can get real about it. ☺ Enjoy, and please learn and share if you are so inspired.

L'ma'an Tziyon

2010-11-09T09:16:00.000-08:00

L'ma'an Tziyon, lo e-che-sheh
Lo-o-o, lo e-che-sheh
L'ma'an Yerushalayim, Lo eshkot
Lo-o-o, lo e-che-sheh

Ad ye-tze, ka-no-gah tzid-kah
Lo-o-o, lo e-che-sheh
Vi'shu-atah k'lapid yiv-ar
Lo-o-o, lo e-che-sheh

For Zion's sake I will not keep silent
For Jerusalem's sake I will not remain quiet
Till her righteousness goes forth as the dawn
Her salvation like a blazing torch.

-Isaiah 62:1

Hodu L'Adonai

2010-11-09T08:24:00.000-08:00

Hodu l'Adonai ki tov
Ki l'olam chasdo (repeat)

Hodu, hodu, hodu, hodu
Hodu l'Adonai ki tov (repeat)

Give thanks to the Lord, He is good
His mercy forever endures (repeat)

Give thanks, give thanks, give thanks, give thanks
Give thanks to the Lord, He is good (repeat)

Glamour Shots

2010-11-08T21:53:00.000-08:00

New hair cut. I layered it. Now if I don't curl it, I look like a drugged out 70's rocker.

Sea of Bubbles

2010-11-07T19:09:00.000-08:00

Homeschooling my only daughter Miriam, who bombards me, literally 24-7 with her chatter, I treasure my "errand running" on Sunday afternoon, or shall I say, bubble making, even when there are no errands and my shopping list has a total of 3 items. I make excuses. Today was no different.

The first store: This is where my bubble formed it's smooth, round blue coat. "Do I live in America? Is this the United States, the state of Washington?" I did not see a single fair haired, English speaking person in the entire store. I spent at least one hour looking through merchandise, dodging strewn items, lifting my cart over fallen hangers, listening to wailing children. Mmmm, oh yah, don't go shopping at cheap department stores on the first Sunday of the month. I knew this one but forgot. I finally left the store after putting everything in my cart (which totaled no more than $15 of stuff) back after I saw that the line to check out extended past the zig zag front set up, all the way to the back of the store, at least 75 feet. CRAZY. By the end my bubble was fully formed.

Store number two: "It's starting to smell a lot like Christmas....all around the town...." Actually it was the song playing from the speakers. I am a bubble....floating.....detached from the air around me.....It is Nov 7th, one week after the beginning of "this season." Christmas ornaments, wreaths, St. Nicholas everywhere and ugg...music. Needless to say, I bought my stuff and got out of there before the spirit of the season could grasp it's ugly little claws into my too often greedy and glutinous heart.

Then the next store: This is where the bubble fully manifested itself. I was searching for a door-draft insulator for our bedroom door that I saw in the monthly sales flyer. Up and down my eyes searched, all the way from the ceiling to the floor, majestic columns of house supplies. I was trying hard not to bump into anyone, or step on any displays as my eyes were scouring the walls, rather oblivious to anything else.

"POP." There goes my bubble.

"Crystal! So good to see you!"

"Uh? Oh hello there ummm, Mrs. Dunn!" In that state, at that moment I could not think of Miriam's second grade teacher's first name. I was coated with soap and I felt it. She then asked me a few questions in which I gave her a quick little reply to, and told me to say hi to Miriam for me. You see, I really like this lady, and wouldn't have minded chatting with her a bit, as she is an excellent teacher, a kind woman, and someone I could gain a lot of good advice from. I just was so entrenched in the mesmerizing, swaying, sea of bubbles that I could not quick enough rid myself of the motion sickness and gloss to look her in the eye and talk.

Needless to say I found my door insulator, paid, and headed home. Chuckling a bit, and shaking my head at the pretty little round bubbles of all the people around me, I again started enjoying the protection and warmth inside my own.

Gluten-Free Sourdough Starter

2010-11-05T14:37:00.000-07:00

I have had success on my first attempt with a gluten free sourdough starter! I am very happy about that, as I can ferment all my baked grains again, without the use of dairy products. Plus it is just fun to experiment with the ancient techniques. Now to keep it going and keep it healthy. Here is what I did:

I started with teff flour and water and followed the traditional way to get started, which is by pouring 1 cup of flour with 1 cup of water in a glass jar, covering it with a secured cloth or coffee filter, and letting it sit for a day. Then the next day do the same thing, while transferring the starter to a new clean jar. Teff flour is a very nutritionally dense grain that they use in Ethiopia. It is very tasty. It comes in ivory or dark. I used ivory, but I don't think this matters. In Ethiopia they make a bread called injera which is a sourdough flat pancake of sorts, so I figured teff was a good choice to start because it already has been proven to sour easily. I did this for a week, adding 1 cup teff flour and 1 cup water to my batter jar every day, and then transferring it to a clean jar. After a week I decided to switch my grain over to milo (sorghum) flour because it is about 1/3 the price of teff. I did this by adding milo in just the same way over the course of another week. That is where I quit. I have only had it for a little over 2 weeks now. So far so good.

After the starter is well established and has a nice pungent smell, gets bubbly and raises breads well, it can be stored in the fridge for up to a week or two. Take it out the night before you plan to bake with it and add flour and water. Then replenish it after you have used it.

Here is a link to a sourdough starter recipe site that gives a person more in-depth how to's. I did it this same way, only using my different flours.

Simple Starter Recipe

For other great recipes, see my favorite sites side bar. I will be taking some of these recipes and converting them glutenless in the not too distant future.

Granola

2010-11-05T14:27:00.000-07:00

10 cups gluten free oats (or regular if they don't bother you)

1 cup oil

1 cup molasses

1 1/2 cup sourdough starter

1/2 tsp salt

2 cup dry fruit (currants, raisins, cranberries, etc)

-mix all ingredients except fruit

-set aside for 4 hours

-spread on 2 or 3 deep cookie, lasagna or broiler trays (they need to make a granola tray!)

-bake at 275deg for 45-60 minutes stirring and rotating every 15 minutes

-cool, add dried fruit if desired

-store in an airtight container in your pantry

Sourdough(ed) granola lasts longer on the shelf than regular home-made granola, but if you won't eat it all within a week, it should be kept in the refrigerator

Variations:

omit 1 cup of oats and add any of the following;

1 cup unsweetened coconut

1 cup ground flax

1 cup chopped nuts

Tuna Patties

2010-11-04T15:10:00.000-07:00

1 pint tuna, drained and perhaps rinsed if it is oily

1/2 cup bread crumbs

2 tsp prepared mustard

1 tsp onion powder

1/4 tsp salt (or dash to taste)

1 tsp guar gum, or one egg

-mix all the ingredients, being careful to sprinkle the guar gum around, or it will clump

-then add while mixing; 1/4-1/3 cup of extra water (omit if you used an egg)

-form into patties

-fry in hot oil

Sweet Pumpkin Bread

2010-11-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

2 cups gluten free mix (less then 1/3 starch, the rest needs to be a whole grain of some sort)

1 tsp guar gum and 1 tsp baking powder if it is not in the g-f mix

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp nutmeg (or all-spice)

1/4 tsp ginger

-mix all dry ingredients

1 cup pureed pumpkin

2 eggs or (1/2 cup prepared gelatin)

1/3 cup butter or ghee softened

1 cup sourdough starter

1/2 tsp stevia concentrate

1/8-1/4 cup molasses

1/2 cup walnuts

1/2 cup currants

-Mix until well blended

-put in a greased bread loaf pan

-let sit on the 100deg warmed oven for 4-6 hours until you see some rise, up to twice the size

-bake at 350deg for 45min or until the internal bread temp is 200deg

Waldorf Salad (Tuna)

2010-10-31T16:22:00.000-07:00

-1 apple

-1/3 cup celery

-1/3 cup currants

-1/3 cup dates

-1/3 cup walnuts (chopped)

-1 pint tuna

-1/4 cup yogurt and 1/4 cup mayo, or just mayo (I use home-made, dairy/egg free)

-salt/pepper to taste

chop all ingredients, mix, enjoy

Very tasty!

Happy Birthday Mom

2010-10-11T16:45:00.001-07:00

Quote: Delousing my Closet

2010-10-08T14:40:00.001-07:00

"Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room."

Quote by: Bill Gates, or perhaps some other obscure person

Love it.

The Artistry

2010-09-30T19:22:00.000-07:00

Gianna Jessen, Part 2

2010-09-28T10:47:00.001-07:00

Gianna Jessen, Part 1

2010-09-28T10:45:00.000-07:00

Too Simple Tuna Casserole

2010-09-22T08:10:00.000-07:00

-mix in a small oiled casserole dish (9x9 is great):
3 cups cooked macaroni noodles
1 pint tuna
1 small zucchini, chopped
1/2 small onion or leek, chopped

-sauce, mix in a bowl:
1 cup canned coconut milk (or 1/2 can)
1 tsp salt
1 tsp unsalted dry soup stock
1/2 tsp onion powder

-pour sauce over noodle mixture, mix
-sprinkle cheese on top, if you want too
-bake 25 minutes at 350deg

Oseh Shalom

2010-09-15T19:30:00.000-07:00

Oseh shalom bimromav
Hu ya'aseh shalom aleinu
V'al kol Yisrael
V'imru, v'imru amen.

Ya'aseh shalom, ya'aseh shalom
Shalom aleinu v'al kol Yisrael
Ya'aseh shalom, ya'aseh shalom
Shalom aleinu v'al kol Yisrael

(May He who makes peace in high places,
make peace for us and for all Israel,
and let us say, amen.)

Ke'ayal, Psalm 42

2010-09-15T11:17:00.000-07:00

Ke'ayal ta'arog Al afikei mayim, Al afikei mayim
(as the deer pants) (for the water brooks)

Ken nafshi ta'arog Eleicha Elohim, Eleicha Elohim
(so my soul pants) (for you, O God)

Ken nafshi ta'arog Eleicha Elohim, Eleicha Elohim
(so my soul pants) (for you, O God)

As the deer pants for water Eleicha Elohim, Eleicha Elohim
So my soul longs for you Eleicha Elohim, Eleicha Elohim

Tuna, coming out our ears. Praise God!

2010-09-12T18:52:00.000-07:00

Here is for a collection of as many different tuna recipes I can come up with and you can give me, please? Canned tuna as well as fresh tuna recipes would be perfect.! More will come with time.

Note, these are home-canned or fresh/frozen albacore tuna recipes, that may or may not taste good with other some such.

Buckwheat Tuna Casserole, with an Indian twist

2010-09-12T18:36:00.001-07:00

2 cups buckwheat
2 pints canned tuna
1 small/medium chopped onion
2 chopped potatoes
2 tbs. sambar powder, with salt (the recipe linked here looks good and is close to the one my book calls for, sambar is a perfect all-spice for Indian flavor I have found)
2 tbs. tamarind paste
5 cups water
3 tbs oil

-put oil in a 9x12 baking dish, spread over bottom of pan
-fill with the rest of the ingredients
-stir

-put in heated oven at 350-425 until the edges of the water boils (10-20 minutes)
-turn off heat or:
-add, artichoke hearts, sliced olives, smoked gouda cheese (shredded)
-bake another 10 minutes, turn off heat

This recipe is super easy and very tasty. It goes great when there is a potential wait for dinner (like a shabbat dinner) because the oven temperature stays warm so long when you don't have to take it out.

Vacation

2010-09-10T16:49:00.000-07:00

We just got back from a one week vacation. It was very nice. We went first to a conference with some other Messianic believers, mostly form the Spokane area. It was good fellowship, worship time and very freeing and deep worship, my favorite kind, which is so rare to find these days in no mans land. Of course it helps to have an old timer, wailing rocker, Ted Peirce leading 2 of the 3 nights. We met a few people and have concluded that an organization called UMJA is solid and we would like to join up with them soon. They have 3 leaders, and are the ones who put on the conference, all from that area, and all three seem to be very grounded. Checking them out was one of the main reasons for us attending last week. But we also got to know a couple of families up there a tid-bit. Lord willing and they will become deeper friends.

We then went on a successful deep sea tuna hunt with Justin's family. That was a success and a good 6 days spent with all of them. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits most of the week and we had good times. It always helps when the weather on the coast is sunny. We spent most of the afternoons at the beach flying kites, building fortresses, and looking for sand-dollars and other such beach trinkets. The men even canned all of our tuna Friday, so there was no need for a bunch of work from me this week, only laundry and such.

Yesterday was Yom-Teruah, Blowing of the Trumpets. The day when we look east and think on a time Yeshua will come from the east riding on the wind with the sound of a shofar. One day.....soon. We threw our stones in the river, Tashlich. I didn't like it. For the first time in 10 years of doing it, I didn't like it. I didn't want to confess before God and Justin my sins. Not that either of them didn't know what I was going to say, it is just different when a person says it with their own mouth. Pride mingled with suppressed, self imposed anger, hit me hard, and it is still hitting me, a scab peeled off and oozing. There is nothing deeper than old fashioned Jewish traditions when done with a right consiounce, meaningfully before our Heavenly Father. May my stones sink to the bottom of the river never to be seen.

High-School Heroes

2010-08-20T09:37:00.000-07:00

My high-school heroes, (heroines!).

In the picture from left to right: Holly, Erin, me, Heather, Caroline, Kedra.

In this photo there are 2 minister's wives, one youth pastor, 1 missionary, one fantastic woman, and me which = 1 incredible group of women whom I am proud to say are my friends, whom my good Heavenly Father surrounded me with as a young woman. This picture was taken at a 30th birthday breakfast for Erin, when we all just happened to be in Missoula, at the same time.

My Week (or Month)

2010-08-03T14:45:00.001-07:00

It is August and I have barely written anything since last May. I don't know if I have just not felt like it or if there is more to it. I have felt a certain sort of lazy rebellion I think, but I also have not really had any inspiring sorts of thoughts until recently. Sometimes being non-inspired is a good thing, sometimes a bad. It sort of means nothing is really pressing me to feel too passionate about life. But then again, we have been house hunting, as we have decided to simplify our housing situation. I guess this probably is the kicker. It takes a certain stability in order for me to feel creative or to want to be creative, beyond just doing the baking in the kitchen and such. But yes, that is probably number one thing on the list, we are moving again. This time it is our choice, and I am looking forward to simplifying. I love organizing and simplifying. It makes me feel light, free, and composed; my mental capacities are inline when my house is inline. I have for the most part an artist's brain, but this is the one real left brain (non artistic) strong point that is in me, a sound concept of time and spacial reasoning, when it comes to organizing/decorating a space or putting the framework on a day, which I guess spacial reasoning can be a right brain thing. I can not stand to live in clutter, plain and simple. I don't mind other peoples houses when they are disheveled, but my own that I am responsible for is another story. In some ways I respect the busy mom who doesn't let the clutter bug her, especially if they are giving the extra time to focused attention towards their multiple kiddos. I admire them, and given the same circumstances, I don't know how I would do. Right now with just the one, I like it clean, and there is no real reason not to keep it that way. To top it off, I am married to one one of the cleanest men I know. He may not keep his home office perfectly tidy, but he never leaves dirty socks on the floors that I am responsible for, and I am thankful for that. He keeps his work office immaculate, or so he says, as I do not have the privilege of seeing it while he is working his current high security job.

Last week we thought we were going to double our family. Well, we thought that for 5 days, until the foster care system pulled through to live up to their reputation of leaving one disappointed. But knowing this, we were not shocked. We were asked to take in for a permanent placement 3 adorable healthy children and we said yes. They were not legally free but they were in the court ordered process to become legally free, so it would be a for sure thing. We spent the weekend very excited and up in the clouds a bit, buying household things and telling everyone we knew the good news. We even (almost) called off the house deal that is in process, so we could stay in the big house. Well last Wednesday morning, low and behold the social worker called and told me that Grandma had decided to keep the children after all. Bummer. Well, hopefully it is the best thing for the kids. Grandma has the God given right to them, and if she actively loves them, then it is the best thing. I was disappointed, but it has been so long since I have wanted more children and so many times that I have been disappointed this one was really not that bad. It was sort of a deep subtle sort of sadness, but certainly not anywhere near despair. I didn't even cry, and I cry really easily. I have been a little sad the last few days, mildly depressed, and feeling sort of cold for a lack of a better explanation. I feel like I just need something to distract me, like a vacation, or a move or some such.

Thankfully the paperwork for the house we are hopefully buying didn't get terminated as we were going to do, planning on 3 more kids, thanks to my husband's and the realtor's procrastination. The one we are trying to buy is a short sale house which means it is being sold for less (short of) what the owner originally bought it for and the bank is covering the difference. It is not quite a foreclosure but similar. So if the bank accepts our offer we will get a really sweet deal on a very cute, efficient, just right home for our little family. Although, in this house we will be seeking to adopt....one, not three, which I suppose is a good thing even though if given the right kids and we were still in this big house, I still would do a large sibling group. Now we are still waiting for the bank to accept our offer (it takes a while), and trying to sell the house we are in currently.

We have decided to home-school Miriam again this year. I feel a bit insane about this whole adventure. But I see, in a very tangible way, God's hand in guiding us currently, which is needed for me right now to do this task. Last year I got burnt out big time around November-December which is when we put Miriam in the little private school. We prayed and prayed and fretted and fumed over the whole decision and decided it best to put her in school then, even if mid year, even with all the confusing, "alien," un-Biblical teaching that goes with normal Evangelical Christianity. My emotions were raw, and Miriam was not getting the social interactions that she needed at home at the time and was acting up quite a bit. The actual home-school part was okay, it was just Mom and Miriam clashing at all times of the day. Now, stepping back I see a lot of other options we could have done to save the day, instead of just throwing the baby out with the bath water. Changes which this year I will implement. What I see now even more is growth needed in Mom so that we can have the depth and beauty that only comes from schooling inside the home, and the depth and beauty of satisfied, emotionally healthy children. Now, I just need to take a deep breath, rid myself of my own selfish ambitions and focus on the task at hand; in providing the connection that Miriam needs in Mom in order for her, and in turn me, to be at peace. I think it lies right there, giving up my selfishness and focusing our time on the aspects of school that Miriam loves and can't get enough of which are reading stories of all kinds: science, history, literature, etc, and doing lots of games and puzzles and of course crafts. She is learning, and she is also getting nurtured from mom at the same time. What could be better? It sounds so simple but, the struggle I have always had as a mom is being too task oriented. I like to see the accomplished work (I am generally on a mission), and I have a very hard time doing anything that is not accomplishing something tangible. (I get antsy when I try to lounge in my pool.) I have a hard time just sitting and "playing" with the kids, or my kid, especially on her time. It is wrong in this context, and I am publicly confessing that I am going to be better. This includes reading stories, cuddling, or simply giving any form of "love" that Miriam or whatever child is under my care needs from me, on their time. My suspicion is that I will have a different child if I can successfully do this while homeschooling as I know to be true generally. Although I am not negating Miriam's need for social interaction, we will make sure this happens also, I think that I can successfully provide much more of it for her, at least more than I previously thought was needed and done myself, and have a much more peaceful home and happy child, so that mom and daughter can feel fulfilled in our roles. It is up to me.

Dr. Sears, Author

2010-07-27T15:17:00.000-07:00

Dr. William Sears and his wife Martha, the couple who termed the word "attatchment parenting" and who have written a number of parenting books. Wow. I can not say enough. Every little nuance of what I have been trying to grasp and re-program my own parenting, thoughts and life as a mom to, over the past 8 years, they have summed up in their teaching. I highly recommend them. I only wish I had read their work 8 years ago or at least taken a friends advice when I first heard of them about 6 years ago then again from another friend 5 years ago. But alas, I have it now and will sponge up every book I can get my hands on.

HOT

2010-07-15T17:26:00.000-07:00

It's hot outside, and yes I feel like blogging a little more. I no longer look forward to working in my garden. One thing about here is no matter how hot it is, the weeds do not slow down. Nope, instead they speed up. It would be nice if they responded to a pretty please. Next week we are expecting our first round of ripe tomatoes. This year, I "delegated" the vegetable garden to Justin as I was not feeling up to it, only my flowers. But I told him I would can and process when the time comes. And guess what he plants, a whole garden of tomatoes, with a few peppers scattered in there. I think we will have some tomatoes! The pool is beautiful, and the weather is certainly comfortable as long as water is near by. I watched Miriam and some friends today outside swimming, while I tried to read. I lasted about 30 minutes before I started to feel overheated. (It was over 102deg) So I jumped in, and it was very nice. But enough about the heat already, I sort of feel like an old granny sometimes going on about the weather.

My last post I have deliberated about deleting it, it is so negative about my trip. I was tired and feeling negative, but my trip was actually pretty good. I concluded that my feelings were real and therefore I kept the post up. But now I want to wright about one highlight of the trip: Hiking with my Mom, Justin and Miriam. We hiked Squaw Peak near Missoula. It was really gorgeous. It was a sunny, mild temperature outside, and on top we could see Flathead lake and Glacier Park as well as much of the mountains running down the Bitteroot Valley, so basically all of Western Montana. Mount Jumbo in Missoula was a joke from on top of 8,000 feet. I highly recommend the hike to anyone near there. We drove up most of the mountain, 10 miles of it, then hiked another easy 8 miles (4 in and 4 out). The last half mile was a steep boulder scramble. My 65 year-old mother did great, and only complained that we were crazy about 2 times. Pretty good I thought. But I think she actually liked it once we got to the top and could see all of those mountains. One thing that leaves me pondering is a sort of protective love I feel for my mom as she ages. She is one of those small, but strong quiet ladies, and the more life I see and see her going through, the more this backwards mothering wells up inside my heart. I sure love my mom. Miriam, well she takes after her father I think. He will have his side kick mountain goat in no time. My "protective mothering instinct" will have to be a bit more demanding if she is going to follow in the steps of her father. But Miriam actually has a lot more natural fear in her over her father, or good sense rather, that I probably don't have to think too much about it. She only complained some on the way up when it was "boring" but once we hit the rock scramble she loved it. And to top it off, we saw a whole ton of huckleberry bushes in bloom. Pretty neat.

Change

2010-07-10T20:49:00.001-07:00

It is inevitable. I know this. But, the older I get the less I enjoy it. Especially inside of relationships. I am also growing more and more to dislike the forever changing ropes of long distant relationships; some that grow stronger and some much much weaker. The weaker usually the result of a lack of real communication due to physical distance and not having day to day visitations, as moods and outside circumstances are always a dynamic. But there are others whom it is like there was no gap of time there at all and the relationship is fully in place and blooming. And I am not sure the difference.

Actually, sitting a pondering I think part of it might be this; simply the "third party" effect, or the triangle of relationships. Relationships that seem to grow thinner usually have a third party involved where two of the three sides are talking negatively about something.....Ugg. This I will have to think about more as I feel I am rambling toward a much more intense issue.

Alas, I did have a wonderful, full, deep couple of weeks, conforming to the households of all sorts of friends and family in Montana. But, I am glad to be back in my own cozy bed in my own four walls, dictating my own schedule, and making myself my own food. Now the pondering, and praying for all of my loved ones after tasting a bit of the bright and joyful "goods" and the dark and heavy "bads" in their lives currently. While hoping to have left a pleasant aroma in all the homes after my leaving. (There were 7 homes total and probably that number or more dinner visitations and face to face conversations, 3 of which were random and unplanned, all within only a couple weeks! Eeek.)

Old Lady and Air Bag

2010-06-16T16:32:00.001-07:00

My Months

2010-06-01T20:34:00.000-07:00

Sorry, it is spring time and sitting in front of the computer is no longer a desirable past time for me. I should pick up more when the high heat hits. For now, a quick update;

A couple months ago I was getting a little nausious in the tummy, that felt a lot like pregnancy, (hence the test, that was negative). Then I thought it was my gall bladder and had that checked out. "Unremarkable" the ultrasound said about my gall bladder, and just about all my other organs. Then I had the allergy testing done. Bingo! High allergies to: eggs, gluten, milk, and a moderate allergy to rice. Sheesh..... rice. The first three are common but try adding a rice allergy to gluten free. It doesn't work. The next time you are in the store, find the GF row and pick up a package and look at the ingredients, 95% will have rice in them. Uggg and a half. But, no wonder I was sick. Well, it has been a week now since I have been eating in accordance with the "law" for Crystal and I haven't had any nausea. The doctor thought my large intestine was inflamed due to the allergies, which caused me to feel icky. So far a couple things I have noticed, the dark rings under my eyes are lightening and I don't need so much fiber to not get constipated. Before, I couldn't get enough fiber. So alas, I am thankful it is a diet thing. That, is do-able and not too scary.

Otherwise the spring has been gorgeous. Wet and cool for early June, but very pretty. I have my flowers all worked over and doing their thing. The tomatoes and peppers are in the ground. I have been enjoying my 3 mile runs, thanks to a decent chiropractor. Miriam has 1.5 weeks of school left and this weekend we are going camping in Oregon. Wahoo!

Uggg.

2010-04-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

Please don't ever ask me to be a secretary or an accountant. I would be terrible at it! So, I bought a pregnancy test at Winco two days ago, and went home and took it. It had a line (-) in both boxes, bright and bold! Wahooo! I was in happy bliss all day, crying and even talking to the little baby in my belly. I showed Justin the magical stick that night, and he danced a jig. We went out for dinner and celebrated. The next morning I went in the doctors office to get lined up for an ultra-sound. They took a blood test to see where my hormone levels were at and walla, there was no prego hormone in my blood. Uhhhh? So I took the other test. It said the same thing, two lines. So that was when I looked at the box........Sorry we needed an "x" in the box not a "-" to be pregnant. I am smiling and sighing now, thinking, "Please don't ask me to do anything that requires careful details, and who in the world changed the magical sticks on me?!" Disappointing, but, it has been many years, and there is not a whole lot more disappointment this time than others when I thought I could be pregnant. On the plus side, I am established at a clinic that does V-Backs. This is HUGE for me. I am very thankful to find that.

Man-ly-ness

2010-04-05T19:42:00.000-07:00

This afternoon we were chatting about putting a fence up around our pool. It then turned into a discussion about young children and when they start to learn a sense of danger. I told Miriam that a little girl starts to sense danger around the age of 2 or 3 or so, and perhaps a little older than that for little boys. Justin chimed in, "Yah, about age 40 maybe."

Roses

2010-04-01T12:22:00.000-07:00

These are the first two of my living room roses. I have two more planned. Although not a nice scan, these pictures, reflections and all, are good enough for blogger.

My Week

2010-03-31T10:24:00.000-07:00

It is 10:24, I have black make-up smears under my eyes, my husbands cozy socks on my feet, and my big knitted poncho on. Yes I am still in my pajamas, and working on my third cup of coffee. Ahhhh. The day after Pesach. This morning I ate awful boxed matza, loaded with butter and a bowl of charoset (which is chopped apples, nuts and wine mixed together.) All together it is tasty, even if the matza itself is not. I did not find time to make my own matza yet...Later I will. Last night's Seder was a good night. It got too big for our house so we did it at the Richland Community Center, which is a nice building with rentable rooms that look out over the river. I only forgot one thing, cream for the coffee. But, alas, I do not put cream in my coffee so it is a given I would forget that detail. Justin did a fantastic job narrating the Passover story, using FFOZ's Haggadah. It was very good and I feel satisfied.

We got our certificate for official "Foster" parenting in the mail last week. Great. Now that means we are ready, right? Hmmm. I am waiting at the moment for the adoption social worker to contact me. If Monday comes around and I have not heard from anyone, I will contact her.

My sister Camille is pregnant again. Yeahh! This one was an unexpected one, for all. The best kind, oftentimes. I am excited. Maybe it will be a girl to go with her three boys!

Otherwise, not a lot has gone on, even if I haven't written. I have been fairly consumed with Passover prep. But it is done now, and I can relax. Perhaps even paint a bit more.

Father Daughter Ball

2010-03-28T11:09:00.000-07:00

These are photos of Justin and Miriam's date, to the "Father Daughter Ball" last month. It was very sweet.

Healing Fear

2010-03-16T10:54:00.000-07:00

"Perfect love casts out fear."

For a while now I have been contemplating how to heal fear. I have had my fair share over the years, being a very brittle sort of person. But I think I have grasped a few lessons and made some observations, that are not always taught. There are many types of fear, and I believe they are mostly all healed by one thing, love. A strong, secure, faithful sort that makes fear lose its power. Like many other things, fear is only a symptom of a much greater need.

Here is a list of different sorts of fear off the top of my head:
anxiety attacks after a traumatic incidence
shyness
hypochondria
paranoia, (broad term,) social, physical, safety, government, etc
fear of heights
claustrophobia

In the Christian world, there are many people who would want to label these sorts of things as listening to demons, or perhaps one who lacks controlling their fleshly mind. They judge and accuse and think with annoyance, "those unbelieving sort of people, just need to get it together." They think one can get the proper teaching and they can train their mind to think correctly and force themselves to not fear anymore. Well, perhaps training your mind is part of the healing process, but I actually think that it is a much deeper thing than just that, and that a hurting person needs a little help from his brother to be a whole person.

The Bible says;

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love."

This is from 1John, chapter 4. (The whole chapter is about what love is. I recommend the read.)

I think this perfect love is the answer. This love ultimately comes from our Heavenly Father, through our faith, as we gaze to Him. There was a time in my life as a young adult where in almost all of my prayer times I could feel God asking me to "gaze" at him. I would close my eyes and envision His eyes directly in front of me, for a long period of time. I can't begin to tell you what this time did in my life to heal me of shyness and distrust of people; to actually be able to gaze directly into someones eyes as I look at them. But even more than that, it is what I felt. My heart softened and I became alive in my spirit as I gazed at my Father.

Later in my life I went through a fairly traumatic, trying time. We were newly married. My daughter was one. We just bought our first house, which was promptly broken into and robbed. Then at about the same time I had a scary tubal pregnancy. Consequently, I found myself in a new house with a young child and having panic attacks. My husband too, was dealing with these issues and some others that of course effected me. What healed me during this dark winter was not psychotropic drugs and counseling, but openness with my husband about my feelings and meditating verbally, on a few key psalms during and through a panic attack, over and over until the attack subsided. Before spring arrived, the attacks had flown away.

Did I have a demon? This is not the correct question to ask someone dealing with fear. They need your love not condemnation. The correct question goes like this, "How can I help you feel my love?" Thankfully nobody actually said I had a demon at that time, and I have wonderful and beautiful people around me who supported me, but I know this thought is out there. Panic attacks are a spiritual and bodily issue, a symptom of extreme fear, that is deep and wide, physical and spiritual, as with everything else. They need to be addressed on all sides.

I think we can open the door to fear when we personally are not walking out the calling to love our neighbor as ourselves. This often (but not always) comes in the form of social paranoia, as we think others think the unloving sorts of thoughts that we have. I think, we can have a sort of tormenting fear of judgment when we are stubbornly, refusing to repent of some iniquity that God has shown us, as in Hebrews 10:27. This dissipates when we repent. I think children's fear is made null, when mom and dad, instead of trying to make them "face" it, or getting annoyed with them, actually comforts them through their insecurities.

A very good friend of mine, her mother had cancer a few years back and ended up dying. When I visited her mother in the hospital after surgery, I asked my friend if her mom was dealing with any fear. My friend looked at me and shook her head. No one in her family was scared, only bright and hopeful. This struck a huge cord with me, because, I had never seen this before. Her mother's faith was so strong that even severe cancer did not rattle her. But, you know, even more than her faith, what I had known and seen of this beautiful mother, was her perfection in love. Her children, husband, children's families, and surrounding friends knew this woman's astounding, solid love, and in the day of distress, she had perfect peace.

"He who fears has not been made perfect in love."

This verse is talking about one being made perfect through faith in God's love. But on an equally proportional note, I also think it has to do with the Christian brother's love toward the fearful person. This person has not experienced and rested in Godly love from the people around him. They don't know what it means to be fully accepted and at ease inside of relationships. They have not been made perfect. Once we, as his family, can love him perfectly, then he too will look to God, abide in Him, and be made perfect.

"We have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him. Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world." 1John 4:15-17

Remember that love is an action, not only a feeling. When we ask our brother, "How can I help you feel my love, and feel secure?" then healing from fear can happen. We are to stick by their side, no matter what ugly distorted face rears its head at us, and demonstrate the same love for him, that our Savior did for us,

"As He is, so are we in this world."

Sweeteners

2010-03-14T17:12:00.000-07:00

After a comment on FB from a friend's lack of success using stevia as a sugar substitute, I thought it might be a good idea to list my findings in the area of healthy sugar alternatives. One thing to remember, all these other sweeteners are a lot more expensive than regular sugar. Perhaps even five times more. But I believe so strongly in cutting out white and any refined sugars, and other refined products, from our diet that the price for the good stuff, is worth it for the occasional treat. One just needs to eat less sweets altogether, then the price of the sugar doesn't matter as much.

In order from my favorite to least favorite, here ya go:

1) Coconut Palm Sugar: Perfect. There is absolutely nothing negative about this beauty. It tastes awesome, is low on the glycemic scale, acceptable to diabetics, a whole food, and loaded with nutrients, plus it can be substituted 1:1 with regular sugar. It is a little pricey, but cheaper than Costco honey when purchased in bulk. Azure Standard sells it for $25 for a 5# bag, which comes out to be about a gallon in volume. This one is new to me though, so as time goes on, I may discover something negative about it.

2) Honey: I think honey is great, but not perfect. It is loaded with nutrients and is certainly pleasant to taste in most recipes. It is a little harder for baking, unless the recipe calls for honey because of texture and sweetness proportions. Honey is sweeter than sugar before it is baked, about 2:3::honey:sugar, but it loses some of that sweetness after it is baked. It is not good for your teeth, it can actually cause cavities faster than sugar can. But, honey is so unique in it's composition, and the bees put nutritionally good stuff in it that one can't get anywhere else, that I think all people should eat at least some of it. (Especially the raw stuff.)

3) Whole Cane Sugar: This is simply unrefined whole, cane sugar. Note, not evaporated cane juice, or "raw" sugar. There is a big difference. Whole sugar looks chalky, dark brown. There is no crystalline appearance to it. Whole cane sugar is very tasty and also loaded with nutrients and full of iron. It has none of the molasses refined out of it. One brand, which I think is the best is called Rapidura Sugar. This one contains 12% of your daily dose of iron in one tablespoon, (if my memory serves me correctly.) It has the same on the glycemic index as regular sugar though, so use it sparingly.

4) Stevia: Stevia is an herb that tastes sweet and has no calories, but it has to be used very carefully in order to be good tasting. You need the correct brand of stevia. One that I like is NuStevia concentrate. This brand is less bitter than others. I have found I can halve my sugar content and add the appropriate amounts of stevia, and it will usually turn out. Stevia also does good when used to give cooked fruit that extra boost of sweetness. I recommend the cookbook "Cooking with Stevia" if anyone is serious about learning to cook with this herb. Their recipes are very good, if not exceptional.

5) Molasses: We all know this one, and I don't have any good tib-bits except the normal. We like to eat it on oats, and it makes a great sweet bread. It's uses are limited because it has such a distinct taste. But it is loaded with iron and other nutrients.

6) Xylitol: This one is a sugar alcohol which I recommend, also in small quantities. It will give you bad gas and an upset stomach if you eat too much of it. Although you can train your gut to handle it, just like beans, after you build the enzymes in your stomach for it. It is low on the glycemic scale. Xylitol is a different one, because it actually starves the bacteria in your stomach. They are attracted to it like sugar, but then when they attach themselves to it, they die from starvation. So if you have a yeast problem, this one is a good choice. Note, it is a "white" sugar and probably (but I am not sure) absorbs vitamins and minerals from your body in order to digest it, just like other refined products. It tastes funny when it is dry, so it is not good to sprinkle on things. But it tastes good in baked products, and liquids. Don't use it in yeasted breads though, it will starve the yeast instead of make it grow.

These are all my sweeteners I keep in my pantry. Tasty, Tasty.

Angry

2010-03-11T13:02:00.000-08:00

I am passionate about learning righteous passion. "Show me your anger, I will show you your passion." I think this article is pretty good.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/features/20827-when-its-good-to-get-mad

My Week

2010-03-11T11:33:00.000-08:00

Aahhh. That is me taking a big sigh, because we are certified foster parents. Now our liscense social worker will go and send our files in and the adoption social worker will contact us soon and we will start working with them. After we start working with the adoption person then we can find out the hard facts about these 3 triplets we have been thinking about. For instance: 1) Are they still available? 2) Do they have attachment issues and what do those look like, and how would they effect our family? 3) What sorts of emotional and physical hardships do they have? One of the boys is diagnosed A.D.D. which we know about and I am okay with depending on the details. These days, it is generally over-diagnosed. So now again, we just wait, and hold our ground. If these kids have more issues, that we don't feel we can handle fully, as a family, then we will go back to our original plan and look for one sweet little girl.

We visited a little Messianic group up in Spokane over the weekend. It was good and inspiring for us to see them. We had some very worshipful, worship time and an afternoon of meeting people. For the books, I hate meeting people. You can call me shy, to the core. I was twitching from anxiety when we left and it took me two days to unwind my stomach. But, it is all necessary and good for me in small doses, thus I force myself to do it. And the group was really neat. We are thinking of joining up with them to do retreats and conferences and such. It was also good for Justin to talk with the leader a little. I think it has renewed in him the vision he started out with, with our group here in Tri-Cities. It was also a gorgeous day and a beautiful drive.

My Meadowlark

2010-03-02T21:14:00.000-08:00

I have been doing a lot of hiking and walking as the sun is reappearing in the sky these days. The grass is turning green and looking soft and fresh in clumps around the dead brown overgrowth. Buds are puckering for a kiss on the trees, just about ready to let us have it.

I love spring. It is by far my favorite time of year. But, do you know what I love the most? It is the early song of my meadowlark. This little plain bird announces cheerily to all the coming of warmth. It reminds me of sweet longings of girlhood and womanhood of fresh air and of happy dreams; of walking home from school in Montana fields, days where I chose to walk the mile home, just so I could feel the sun and hear the song of my friend and to think...think..about my world.

Right now, as I write, I am annoyed with visions of ipods and earphones darkening my happy green and yellow rememberings. How I marvel and shake my head at a society who constantly needs to be talked at, played for, entertained. We are all stoned, right down to our babies, with constant bombardment into our mental capacities. Do we think? No. Do we have our own thoughts? Not the majority of us. Do we hear the song of the meadowlark? Tell me if you will where the art is? Where the thinkers are? They are certainly not under the grip of technology and entertainment. They do not generally have an earphone gouged inside their head.

Do me a favor the next time you are outside. Stop. And listen to the sweet song of my meadowlark, feel the warm sun, look at a pretty tree, and ponder....something.

My Week, 3-2-10

2010-03-02T09:41:00.000-08:00

We had our adoption home study yesterday. Justin's back-ground check went through, and there is a bunk-bed waiting for me to assemble today in the basement family room. Next, I find a pool alarm (probably at the pool supply store that I will run to this afternoon) and last, buy one more bed mattress. After we do these things, we call the social worker back to do a 15 minute check and we are done! I sit here feeling.......ummmm, the sort of feeling that you have when you are 8 months pregnant, excited but nervous, and a little scared, not knowing what the next few months is going to have in store. The 3 triplets are not listed any more on-line so we don't know if they are still available. And we can't know until we start working with the adoption social worker. We will be set up and licensed for 4 more children, with the thought of doing respite care with the extra beds, probably for a long time, depending on how it goes. For those of you who don't know what respite care is, it is simply a certified home to take foster kids for babysitting, when the foster families want to go on a vacation or just have some family time. Foster kids can't just go to anybody.

If you are praying for us, this week we have been bombarded on 3 different outside fronts with some hard testing, none directly having to do with the adoption, just overwhelming situations, most likely arising because we are getting so close to the end of the license process, where the rubber meets the road and real children are in sight. I have heard that there is always a war when an adoption takes place. But if we stick to the road and not stop, God will be able to be victorious. It has been quite hard for Justin especially, but he has been noble and good through everything, from my perspective, and I have been proud of him. In our home we are very much together and excited. Justin just really needed a glass of wine last night to......chill out! Some therapeutic, smooth jazz probably would have been nice too.

Sunday was our Purim Party. That was fun. We had a lot of games this year, a little bit bigger turn-out than last year but with less kids, and a whole bunch of really tasty foods. It was a beautiful, warm, sunny day. There were parts of the day when a short sleeved shirt was sufficient. Justin planned all our games, with some input from me. Although, I don't think he planned for 1/2 of the adults to be over 50 and there was a bit of huffin and puffin going on! But every single one of them were troopers and still joined in on the activities. The kids on the other hand, did not enjoy the competition aspect too much. I think perhaps they were a little young for competitive games.

Mike and Debbie came down for the weekend and the Purim party. My parents, Phil and Mary came for a few days last week on their way back from visiting my sister in Reno. Our house was busy this week. It was very good to see my folks. Their last time visiting was over a year ago! I gave my dad our bread machine after I found out that he had been wanting one for some time. You should have seen how smiley he was after that! Who'da thunk a bread machine would make his day so much. But I do know that he always likes (loves, to be more accurate) good bread, and this way he can make fresh bread whenever he wants. My mom is a librarian and my dad is retired, so he has a lot of time which my mom does not have at the moment, for stuff like that. He was also very sweet with Miriam. He taught her to play 21 questions, which he played with us a lot as children. He played for a couple hours that evening with her! And now she has a new game to play. I sure wish they could climb over the Rockies more often to visit. It is good to have them around.

Granola Bars

2010-02-19T17:04:00.000-08:00

This recipe comes from one given to me by my sister in law. Forgive me Anna, for butchering it. Great base recipe though, we are loving them! They are tasty and very hearty. I like to eat the bars with my morning coffee.

2 cups oatmeal
1 cup milled flax seed

1 tsp guar gum

1 cup peanut butter (or cashew)
1/2 cup sourdough starter

1/8 cup molasses

1/2 tsp stevia concentrate
2 eggs, or 1/2 cup prepared gelatin

1/4 cup chopped nuts
1 cup dried fruit (I like to use currants)

*mix dry ingredients

*mix in wet ingredients
*press them into a 9x12 pan or drop into 24 cookies

*let sit for 4 or more hours, covered

*sprinkle with 2-3 oz shaved sugarless baking chocolate, and 2 tbl truvia brand stevia blend mixed together, or 1/2 cup chocolate chips

*bake at 350 deg, bars for 15-25 minutes (I don't exactly remember) or cookies 10-15 minutes

_______________________________________________________
Anna's recipe
Granola Goooey Yummy Snack

1 cup peanut butter
1 cup honey
2 cups oatmeal
1/2 cup milled flax
1/4 cup chopped nuts
1/2 cup dried fruit
1/2 cup chocolate chips

*stir pb and honey
*add oats and flax
*stir in the rest of the ingredients
*make into balls and freeze them in a tupperwear with waxed paper in between layers
(freezing them helps reduce stickiness)

Syncretism

2010-02-19T15:04:00.002-08:00

What part does syncretism have in holiness?

Hanford Wives

2010-02-19T15:04:00.001-08:00

Last week I was at a party with a few other Richland women whom did not know each other very well. There were five of us sitting around chatting. Lady number 1 asked lady number 3 what she did. "I am a stay at home mom," replied lady number 3.
"Oh me too," said ladies number 1 and 4.
Lady number 5 asked lady number 1 what her husband did.
"He works at Hanford."
"Mine too." Replied lady number 5.
"Mine too!" Replied all the other 3 down the row.
"So what does your husband do at Hanford?" asked lady number 5 again.
"Umm, I am not really sure," lady number 1 replied sheepishly.
"Oh that's okay, I don't know what mine does either!" said number 5.
"Oh funny, I don't know what mine does either!" laughed lady number 4. " I have never even been into my husband's office! I am only allowed in the parking lot!"
"Yah, I can go bring him his lunch in the parking lot!" was the sarcastic reply.

Honest Encouragement

2010-02-19T14:46:00.000-08:00

"Mommy, you know how sometimes adults just say something I did was good like, (in a high pitched tone.) "Oh that was really good!" You know how I know if an adult thinks what I did was really good or not?"
"What?"
"I go to a kid and ask them if they think what I did was good. Because, you know, they don't know how to say things like (high pitched) "Oh that was really good!" you know, if it really wasn't."

Miriam's Ocean

2010-02-18T12:03:00.000-08:00

Here is the base of Miriam's ocean room. I first taped my horizon line with simple masking tape, using a measured height all the way around. Then I drew in the waves. I tried to draw a rolling sea line, large surges over the smaller waves. Then I drew in the sand bottom.

For colors, I started first with a light blue over the ceiling and wall, above the taped line. It might look a little white here, but it is a very light blue. Then I painted the ocean depth a very bright turquoise. Next I painted the sand a light yellow. I will go over that with a darker brown, for texture.

Then I did the ocean waves. These took me a bit of re-painting to get it right. I used only permanent acrylic craft paints, with a hue somewhat in-between the sky and water color. I put a large amount of that base color on my pallet along with a little dark thalo blue and glossy white. Using a 1-1/2 inch interior wall painting brush, (it could have been 2 inches) I painted the base turquoise first, about a 4-5 foot section. Then working with the wet paint, took one large sweep of dark blue along the bottom edge. I blended this upward then added white along the top edge and blended that down. What I found is that the more contrast from light to dark (especially lots of white) and the more even the blend from dark to light the more it looks real and not flat. If the blend isn't even it looks striped and not like it fades into the distance. I did this in sections all the way around.

Next I will put texture into the sand.

Sprout

2010-02-17T16:25:00.000-08:00

It is cold and dark
The wind is harsh
A little Seedling blows off away from his mothered home
He doesn't know where he is being taken
He is hard, crusty, small, silent,
but not lifeless

Inside the cold Seed is a bit of enzymatic life
that calls out to the world, wanting to be known

Can the little guy overcome his imprisoned shell on his own?
No
He needs his brother the Earth, his healer the Sun,
along with his friend the Rain

Seedling lands and finds his home with his friend and his brother
He prays and waits,
saturating and softening himself with wetness and fertile minerals
Bright the Sun comes and brings warmth to his little soul

The crusty bitterness of his old coat,
opens and falls into the hands of the Earth and Rain
to cover
and gently rot and dispose of forever

A tiny leaf pokes his cute head out of the Earth's door
He lifts his little green hands and gazes at Heaven
Sprout is ready now for life,
warmth,
and a future of usefulness.

My Week, 2/14/10

2010-02-14T22:22:00.000-08:00

I am drinking a small bit of kefir as my tummy is girgling down low. I puked 5 times (sets) within an hour last night between 1:30 and 2:30 am. I thought my guts were going to come out. I did not feel puky the next day, but I have had no appetite and have slept and basically felt tired or lethargic all day. There is a stomach flu going around town and has hit Miriam's class pretty hard. Although Miriam never contracted it. Friday I took Miriam out for pie to Shari's Restaurant because she opted to do that instead of celebrate V-Day at school that day. But, I bombed myself on chocolate brownie fudge and ice-cream, with lots of afternoon coffee at the restaurant. Then that evening at a friends birthday party I had soda pop, and more coffee. Then the next day I had a glass of wine on very little food in the tummy just before dinner. Directly after dinner I had a bad headache, (probably because I had no afternoon caffeine because of the day before) which I went to bed with and vwalla, woke up in the middle of the night puking. So much for taking care of my immune system. Yuk. Remind me again that I am 30 and I know better. Yes, sugar, coffee, wine during flu season, with not so perfect sleep=disaster.

There has been no news about the adoption process except that I found out that the waiting for the clearance background check could take anywhere from one week to one year. The social worker told me we could go ahead and do the home-study to get it out of the way this week or next. So tomorrow I will get that lined out. Then we will just twittle our thumbs for that clearance check. Mine took 3 weeks. She told me it depends on how clear the fingerprinting is, for how fast it will go through.

My oldest sister had her first baby today! Little Gracy. I don't know any of the details. She called me this morning only an hour after she had the baby and was pretty wiped out. I am expecting an email within the next couple days to know details. Everything went well though. Her name makes me smile. Grace means a free gift, and the baby was born on my sister's birthday, today. If any of you know the story, you know like me, the name is fitting and brings tears to my eyes and a smile to my heart. May our good God show my dear sister how real this little gift is, and how much more there is for her if she wants to take it.

I got my braces off! Yes it was as bad as I was fearing. From prying the brackets off with a fancy tweezers, ouch! then almost an hour of horrific sanding. Not just light sanding but brain shaking, drill-like, scary sanding. I left with a clean but numb head, and a blistered lip the next day. I am glad they didn't shake a tooth loose. For those of you who hate the dentist.....NEVER get braces. It is 20 times worse. But, they are off. My teeth are smooth and clean. And no more buckies for me. Although I was envisioning perfect square beautiful teeth, and well, they are straight, but they are shaped the way they are shaped and no amount of work done on them is going to change that funny v shape. But I am content, they still have a bit of character right? One friend noticed right away out of the whole week! I saw a lot of people too. Then another one noticed after a few hours and a second meeting. She said she went home thinking I looked different but couldn't pin-point it. Then she figured it out. The one who noticed right away notices everything.

I painted the top waves of the ocean in Miriam's room this week! This was a big deal, as I have been procrastinating doing this for half a year. Waves are hard, without a definite picture to follow and to do over 20 feet of waves, eeek! But it is okay, and I am done. Not a masterpiece of waves but they at least look like an ocean and give the room depth. I am imaging my Noah's ark, dolphins, whales, seagulls, ducks, and an itty bitty little "girls" pink pirate ship way in the back floating on those waves. Although it does look a little odd because neither the ocean depth, nor the sky depth is painted in. I only used a flat color for the sky and under-sea. There is no way I am going to blend an entire room into depth, so it is just going to have to stay as is and I will work with it. I am excited to start to paint the fun doo-dads. Next I will do all the sand and some seaweed and coral and such. Then I will start in on the doo-dads and sea critters, and probably have Miriam help me with some. Tomorrow I will take a picture and post it here, if I get around to it.

The Difference Between a Dog and a Man

2010-02-07T12:30:00.000-08:00

"The difference between a dog and a man: men are generally less hairy. The End."

This stemmed from a discussion as to what makes a dog love you. My answer was FOOD. Then I chimed in that men are not too different. This is when Justin gave me this quote.

My Week 2/4/10

2010-02-04T13:55:00.000-08:00

This was really not a very quiet week. It has been foggy and rainy the entire time. The fog has been sort of neat, but it makes coffee longings somewhat unbearable. I like fog in small doses, and that is what we get here. So far it has been a very warm February. I keep thinking the temperature will dip back down but it doesn't seem to want to. I am going to be forced against my will to go out this weekend and uncover the tulips whose heads are poking up saying hello to me. Maybe next week I will start some flower seeds and such.

I finished my painting and it turned out really neat! Perhaps I will be able to scan it soon. I also started in on learning some tole painting. I have shied away from tole painting because of my artistic snobbery, tole painting being one of "those" art forms for snippity woman walking the halls of Micheal's Craft Store. Yes I worked in a Micheal's one college summer and out of the summer there grew a disdain for "kit crafts" and all the crafty nonsense that went along with them. Give me something real and creative that doesn't cost an arm and a leg to make, and is not handed to me on a platter to be cut out and pasted together. The sort of art our grandmothers used to come up with, cheap, recycled, completely individualized. Those are the real crafts. But, I have ventured into tole painting, because I have a whole house in need of something. Tole painting is simply, decorative art. So a lot of single stroke precise painting is used. It was actually harder than I thought, but I could see how practice would make perfect. I sort of liked it. I might even like it enough to go out to Micheal's and buy myself a real tole painting book! Mmmmm perhaps.

Sister Shannon came for a visit last weekend. That was fun. She is getting more beautiful the older she gets. We hiked one of our little bald mountains while she was here. The trail went straight up so consequently I was mildly sore the day after. It was wet that day but not rainy, and not foggy. The clouds were high. It was very pretty up top.

We are getting close to being certified for foster care. All the paper work is done. Now all we are waiting on is Justin's background check to go through. This usually takes a few weeks and I believe it has been a few weeks, so any day. Then we will have our two home-visits immediately after that. We also have a CPR class to take on the 13th. We tried to take one last weekend but had the wrong dates. Woops. After all that, we will be registered and we could have a placement anytime after we are registered.

Probably the biggest news of the whole week is that we have found the kids we are going to try to adopt. Yes I said kid(s)!! There is a set of triplets who just turned six in December. They are from Africa. Their mother died a couple years ago and were adopted by an American couple, missionaries, so the kids became American citizens. The adopted mother got sick and had to come back to the states. The dad did not feel he could take care of them so they went back to the orphanage. And walla, being American citizens they are now in WA waiting to be adopted through the foster system. One girl and two boys is the set. If I were having kids naturally, I would be on my fourth now (FYI).

I have really been wrestling though with the thought of the responsibility, and work involved of raising four kids. Pray for me. It is scary right now. I sometimes feel like I can barely keep up with just the one, at least emotionally. And also pray for my attitude/emotions and Justin and I to be a team. That is probably the biggest prayer. He is all for adopting them, no quandaries there. I just don't know what it will look like work load wise, with discipline, basic household cleanliness, school, such and such, the way it sits now, and am a little scared and did I mention, worried and out of sorts...? This has certainly been hard this week, but I think I can pin point it to thoughts of doubling my household over night. Not too many women have to think about that.

On the other side though, thinking about raising African Americans is a joy to me. I see tall beautiful black women and I get excited along with regal, dignified working men. Then there are the cute as a button little boys. I have been thinking about fixing the girl's hair. That will be a new one for me! I have never even felt a black person's hair! From the kid's description it sounds as if they are active kids. I am dreaming up skeams of hikes and swims and bike rides and such which of course is a natural thing for this home. Miriam is super excited. Every day after school she asks me if there has been any news about the adoption. Not much yet. A lot of my fears of adopting are alleviated with these children having had a mom, who was probably decent, at least until they were three, and then having each other to bond with. This is really what I wanted, real orphans, who have successfully bonded with another human being. I don't know much about their past but the attachment issues at least shouldn't be as severe. I will probably mostly have to deal with grief and associated anger from their hard past few years. But, so much of this is the Holy Spirit's job, I just provide them consistency in love, and a safe home and over time these things should fall off.

So alas, it is time to go pick Miriam up and off I go into another week.

My Week 1/24/10

2010-01-24T21:29:00.000-08:00

It is raining outside. The sort of winter thing I hate the most. Cold rain. I love snow, especially feet of the fluffy white stuff. I don't mind sub-zero temperatures. I can handle lots of wind. My spirit blooms with warm August rainstorms, but please don't give me cold freezing rain. I don't know if I could handle living on the west side where this is the majority of the winters. In this neck of the woods snow has a bad reputation. I just don't think people realize how beautiful, peaceful and ....quiet....(ahhhh) a good 2 foot, silent snow storm leaves the air feeling outside. It is one of the most glorious happenings ever, especially when the sun comes out bright the same day and makes the whole world glitter. But alas, no such happenings here. If and when we get snow it is followed by epidemic panic and immediate brown slush. I do miss snow. I have to admit though, sledding on frozen grass can be fun.

My cold is almost gone. It was a small one. I still don't know if it stemmed from the last one or was a completely new one. Miriam got it later in the week. Although for her, she got a mild temperature too, 102.5. Not bad enough to give her tylenol, but enough to keep her home from school. Her cough sounded like it might turn into a croup so I went out and bought some children's Robitussin just in case she woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't breath. But none such. I kept the humidifier on with eucalyptus and she slept just fine that first night. I checked on her in the middle of the night though and listened to her breathing. It was a little muffled in her chest but not bad. Oh the emotions of motherhood. There is nothing like having a sick child to wrench the heart strings of mom. I suppose this never goes way. Now her cough is very productive, but has lightened up a lot.

Tomorrow I am going to go out and buy some coconut sugar. Yah, it sounds very interesting, and I do love trying new stuff like this. I just found out about it this evening. I am excited. It is a traditional sweetener, and it is in crystal form. It can be substituted 1:1 for sugar. It has a low glycemic index like agave nectar without the high fructose content. (Fructose can be hard on the liver.) It is made out of the sap of coconut flowers. Pretty cool eh?

I started another painting. A couple years ago I painted a rose, with the thought of making a series of them for my living room. This is when Miriam was in kindergarten. I bought all the fake roses to paint and was never able to finish the project. Well, here we go. This time around I am painting a still life, in front of me. Last week's painting that didn't turn out was little more out of my head. I have never been very good at doing that. I need to have an object in front of me for it to turn out. So far so good.

I have been contemplating putting in my application to Central Washington University in Ellensburg to finish my degree in visual art, starting again next fall. I have 3 years behind me from MSU. For all of you who know me, I would love your input on this decision. I would try to work it so that I commuted 2-3 days per week and go 1/2 time. Perhaps even past just my bachelor's degree and work to become an art professor eventually. More school is a joy for me to think about unlike the normal person, which it is drudgery. But I loved the college atmosphere and learning, and I really actually miss it. Going back to school is certainly not a new thought, but I am asking the question, is it now time? I am only 30 and don't seem to be having any more children. I have a good 40 years of work-able life yet ahead of me, and cleaning and baking is nice, but you know, I am a little too ambitious to be fully content to stay in that spot. Don't get me wrong though, the greatest joy in all the world are the little guys; cute, fat, smiley, poopy, bunzos, and I would take 10 of them, and they need mom to be home 100% when they are bunzos. But this does not seem to be my lot in life, and I am slowly accepting that. So, I am thinking hard, and we have about a month to decide, before the application and FAFSA are due.

Tomorrow is a new day. The Lord's mercy is new every morning. Perhaps the sun will also be shining.

Simple, Tasty, Healthy, CHEAP$$

2010-01-19T17:26:00.000-08:00

Beans have such a bad reputation. But, really, when cooked with meat and given a little effort, they can be really tasty!

If you have the best recipe ever, please share. I would love it. What I am looking for are 1/1-meat/bean recipes that are really simple. Thanks.

Lentil-Barley Stew

2010-01-19T17:17:00.000-08:00

This recipe was given to me by my sister-in-law, from the "More with Less" cookbook. Little known to her, I have heard of her famous lentil stew! It has been raved about within the family who have enjoyed it at their cozy home up in Alaska. Thanks Anna!

Saute in large pan:
1/4 c. butter
3/4 c. chopped celery
3/4 c. chopped onion
Add:
6 c. water
3/4 c. lentils
Cook 20 min. Add:
1 qt. tomatoes, canned
3/4 c. barley or brown rice
2 t. salt
1/4 t. pepper
1/2 t. rosemary
1/2 t. garlic salt
Simmer 45-60 min. Add:
1/2 c. shredded carrots
Cook 5 min. and serve.

This is the recipe straight from the book. Now I will tell you some of my modifications. When I make this in the crock-pot I still try to saute the celery and onions first, and I use garlic cloves instead of garlic salt, so I would saute that with the onions too. After that, I just put all the ingredients (minus the carrots) in the crock-pot and let it simmer on low all day, and what I end up with is a thick, tasty stew. I also add some other things, like a bit of tobasco sauce or cayenne pepper, and maybe some seasoning salt, and tomato sauce sometimes...you get the idea. I think I've only added the carrots once, and liked it better without.

My Week 1/18/10

2010-01-18T08:37:00.000-08:00

Today is Monday morning and a day off of school. Miriam is still asleep. I have contracted another cold, or is it the same one? The old one had not been fully healed. I still had a mild cough after the chest infection. But yesterday I had a very runny nose. My body does not feel wiped out though, so if it is another cold, it is only a little one, thank God. I am beginning to feel disheartened. I have not been sick like this for years. But, I also have not been eating my kefir this year like in the past several. I think I will start making it regularly again. I know after having 2 years of antibiotics in college that my system is funked out and I need the extra pro-biotic input, more so than the average person. Oh what I would give to have had the knowledge of what I have now back then. Hind sight is 20/20.

Miriam's poem, "Wild and River" made a national poetry publication contest! Yeah! She does not know yet. I just opened the letter this morning. The link for the blog post if you want to read the poem is "Wild and River" Published at age 7. This makes Momma quite proud.

Miriam is also steadily adjusting to the new school, schedule and larger work load. She has been coming home happy, bright and well adjusted. Putting her in school, I think was a very good decision. She stayed that way too at home through the weekend. Her test scores last week were all excellent, and she has come home with stories of imaginative play with the kids, which tells me the children in her class are also adjusting and accepting her.

I finished my painting last week, but it is only mediocre. I will not be displaying it. This is disappointing when I am only getting back into things. But, I will just keep plugging along.

This week I have been enjoying fresh grapefruit juice and other fresh juices in my new juicer. Having a juicer is certainly a bonus. I have not liked juicing in the past because because I need the fiber so badly. But, I was recommended to re-use the fiber in other recipes instead of only composting it. This has turned out pretty good. I made a meat loaf last week with the extra fiber and spiked my sourdough blueberry bread with it. It did great in the bread, but the meat loaf was only so-so. I think it would be better though with a better base recipe for the meat loaf. And also, I will not be saving any more grapefruit pulp. Blah! I can barely drink the stuff and the pulp is way too bitter for me. It is terrible. I am looking forward to the summer here where fresh produce is so plentiful. It will be fantastic.

I also attempted whole-wheat sourdough naan yesterday. Justin helped me bake it, as it is a high-heat puff bread. It was fun. We had the whole house smoking from the soaked in oil off my baking stone that was being burned off from the 550 degree oven. We opened the windows and turned on the fan. Outside it was rainy so if felt really nice to have the hot oven on, and let the fresh, rainy air blow in from the windows. I do love naan! It is probably one of my favorite styles of bread and our naan turned out very tasty. Justin brought some to work today to share with his boss who is native Indian, (from India) to see if it passes inspection.

We are almost finished with the adoption paperwork, classes and household prep. Pretty quick now, we will do the couple of home visits and then be a certified foster house! Yeeeah! It hasn't been as hard as I was expecting. We will probably only do a little respite care though before we adopt. No fostering for us.

Royal Ladies

2010-01-15T23:23:00.000-08:00

Abigail vs Jezebel:

I have been listening to the books of Samuel and Kings with my daughter to and from school everyday on our 20 minute commute. Listening to the scriptures in large chunks like a story helps to see big pictures as one might not otherwise see when we only meditate on small amounts of scripture. The big picture in one specific area I have noticed is the heart attitude of a righteous woman, Abigail who was married to a foolish man verses the heart attitude of a very wicked woman, Jezebel who was married to a wicked man. In these two different but similar stories I am going to compare the women's actions and motives and see what I come up with.

The Story of Abigail:

Now one of the young men told Abigail, Nabal's wife, saying, "Look, David sent messengers from the wilderness to greet our master; and he reviled them. But the men were very good to us, and we were not hurt, nor did we miss anything as long as we accompanied them, when we were in the fields. They were a wall to us both by night and day, all the time we were with them keeping the sheep. Now therefore, know and consider what you will do, for harm is determined against our master and against all his household. For he is such a scoundrel that one cannot speak to him." Then Abigail made haste and took two hundred loaves of bread, two skins of wine, five sheep already dressed, five seahs of roasted grain, one hundred clusters of raisins, and two hundred cakes of figs, and loaded them on donkeys. And she said to her servants, "Go on before me; see, I am coming after you." But she did not tell her husband Nabal. So it was, as she rode on the donkey, that she went down under cover of the hill; and there were David and his men, coming down toward her, and she met them. Now David had said, "Surely in vain I have protected all that this fellow has in the wilderness, so that nothing was missed of all that belongs to him. And he has repaid me evil for good. May God do so, and more also, to the enemies of David, if I leave one male of all who belong to him by morning light." Now when Abigail saw David, she dismounted quickly from the donkey, fell on her face before David, and bowed down to the ground. So she fell at his feet and said: "On me, my lord, on me let this iniquity be! And please let your maidservant speak in your ears, and hear the words of your maidservant. Please, let not my lord regard this scoundrel Nabal. For as his name is, so is he: Nabal is his name, and folly is with him! But I, your maidservant, did not see the young men of my lord whom you sent. Now therefore, my lord, as the LORD lives and as your soul lives, since the LORD has held you back from coming to bloodshed and from avenging yourself with your own hand, now then, let your enemies and those who seek harm for my lord be as Nabal. And now this present which your maidservant has brought to my lord, let it be given to the young men who follow my lord. Please forgive the trespass of your maidservant. For the LORD will certainly make for my lord an enduring house, because my lord fights the battles of the LORD, and evil is not found in you throughout your days. Yet a man has risen to pursue you and seek your life, but the life of my lord shall be bound in the bundle of the living with the LORD your God; and the lives of your enemies He shall sling out, as from the pocket of a sling. And it shall come to pass, when the LORD has done for my lord according to all the good that He has spoken concerning you, and has appointed you ruler over Israel, that this will be no grief to you, nor offense of heart to my lord, either that you have shed blood without cause, or that my lord has avenged himself. But when the LORD has dealt well with my lord, then remember your maidservant." Then David said to Abigail: "Blessed is the LORD God of Israel, who sent you this day to meet me! And blessed is your advice and blessed are you, because you have kept me this day from coming to bloodshed and from avenging myself with my own hand. For indeed, as the LORD God of Israel lives, who has kept me back from hurting you, unless you had hurried and come to meet me, surely by morning light no males would have been left to Nabal!" So David received from her hand what she had brought him, and said to her, "Go up in peace to your house. See, I have heeded your voice and respected your person." Now Abigail went to Nabal, and there he was, holding a feast in his house, like the feast of a king. And Nabal's heart was merry within him, for he was very drunk; therefore she told him nothing, little or much, until morning light. So it was, in the morning, when the wine had gone from Nabal, and his wife had told him these things, that his heart died within him, and he became like a stone. Then it happened, after about ten days, that the LORD struck Nabal, and he died.
(1 Samuel 25:14-38 NKJV)

The Story of Jezebel:

And it came to pass after these things that Naboth the Jezreelite had a vineyard which was in Jezreel, next to the palace of Ahab king of Samaria. So Ahab spoke to Naboth, saying, "Give me your vineyard, that I may have it for a vegetable garden, because it is near, next to my house; and for it I will give you a vineyard better than it. Or, if it seems good to you, I will give you its worth in money." But Naboth said to Ahab, "The LORD forbid that I should give the inheritance of my fathers to you!" So Ahab went into his house sullen and displeased because of the word which Naboth the Jezreelite had spoken to him; for he had said, "I will not give you the inheritance of my fathers." And he lay down on his bed, and turned away his face, and would eat no food. But Jezebel his wife came to him, and said to him, "Why is your spirit so sullen that you eat no food?" He said to her, "Because I spoke to Naboth the Jezreelite, and said to him, 'Give me your vineyard for money; or else, if it pleases you, I will give you another vineyard for it.' And he answered, 'I will not give you my vineyard.' " Then Jezebel his wife said to him, "You now exercise authority over Israel! Arise, eat food, and let your heart be cheerful; I will give you the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite." And she wrote letters in Ahab's name, sealed them with his seal, and sent the letters to the elders and the nobles who were dwelling in the city with Naboth. She wrote in the letters, saying, Proclaim a fast, and seat Naboth with high honor among the people; and seat two men, scoundrels, before him to bear witness against him, saying, You have blasphemed God and the king. Then take him out, and stone him, that he may die. So the men of his city, the elders and nobles who were inhabitants of his city, did as Jezebel had sent to them, as it was written in the letters which she had sent to them. They proclaimed a fast, and seated Naboth with high honor among the people. And two men, scoundrels, came in and sat before him; and the scoundrels witnessed against him, against Naboth, in the presence of the people, saying, "Naboth has blasphemed God and the king!" Then they took him outside the city and stoned him with stones, so that he died. Then they sent to Jezebel, saying, "Naboth has been stoned and is dead." And it came to pass, when Jezebel heard that Naboth had been stoned and was dead, that Jezebel said to Ahab, "Arise, take possession of the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite, which he refused to give you for money; for Naboth is not alive, but dead." So it was, when Ahab heard that Naboth was dead, that Ahab got up and went down to take possession of the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite.
(1 Kings 21:1-16 NKJV)

Questions:
1) In what ways were their husbands "foolish" or "wicked"?
2) What was the immediate response of both women to their husbands foolishness?
3) What was the heart intent of both women?

The question of the foolishness of the men needs to be addressed first. The reason for this is because the actions and intents of the women is a response to their husbands actions. Notice something, both are in-actions on the husbands part. How do the wives respond to their husbands in-action? We will get to that later but lets first look at Nabal. Nabal did not think highly of David, even though David was very kind to him and had quite a reputation at that point. This shows already a haughtiness in Nabal's part. I think though that the chief foolishness Nabal demonstrated was not just being stupid by not acknowledging David's power and just authority but also inconsiderateness to the plight of a friend and the unwilling attitude he had when confronted about it by his servants, "one cannot speak to him" his servant said. Nabal blew off king David and also his servants requests. So, in a list, he was haughty, inconsiderate, unyielding in accepting help or advice, and inhospitable along with being both stupid and a drunkard. Wicked to the core? Probably not, otherwise he would have reacted differently when Abigail brought him the news after the fact. As it was it shook him to the point of death. This shows me that he was mostly stupid (foolish) and did not judge the situation accurately. My guess is that he would have been offended somehow if he was wicked to the core when he heard the news of David's plans and would have acted accordingly. But that is just my opinion.

Now lets look at Ahab. Ahab did not get what he wanted, and went and pouted in his room. Hmmm. This is wickedness, not only foolishness. Ahab knew what he was doing, unlike Nabal. In a list he was; selfish, spoiled, pouty, and did not act face to face with the issue at hand whether just or unjust, in other words, he was a coward.

Now for the real study, a look at the "royal ladies."

The immediate responses of the ladies is quite astounding when compared. When confronted with the circumstance on hand that could take the lives of those in her household, Abigail said nothing. Instead, she made haste to do the task at hand. I think this is key, and it lines up with the gentle and quiet spirit as talked about in 1Peter:3 and the admonishment for biblical conduct, "without a word, (their disobeying husband) may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear." She did not go to Nabal and plead with him or manipulate him to try to get him to do something. She knew he would not listen and in order to save their lives she had to do something immediately and directly. This is key number 2, she was protecting her household, because her husband would not. Somebody was going to get hurt if she did not protect them. So again, two keys: she said nothing, but acted instead and secondly she acted because somebody was in danger.

Now lets look at Jezebel. Ought I even capitalize her name? How is this, jezebel. Oh this character I hate. Why? Because I see my own wicked nature in her. I think she is the magnification of all that is femininely bad and wrong. What did this dark cat do when she found her husband pouting on his bed? She attacked him. In the car we listen to NIV version. In that version she calls her husband "pathetic" You pathetic man! I will get that field for you just watch! (Out of my head translation, not having the NIV on hand.) She attacks him, and then she shows him how she can do it better, further degrading and disrespecting him. So the keys to jezebel's immediate actions are this: she attacks her husband with words, then further puts herself over him, showing him how pathetic he is by doing the task herself.

I could stop here and there would be plenty to ponder, but I would like to expound a little on the heart intents of both women.

jezebel.....Do I even want to look into the intent in her heart? I have a black cat song running through my head. "black cat do it again...wheels go round and round..." anyhow.... What was jezebel's intent? Did she have any desire for this vineyard? I doubt it. She was queen. What did she care? No, she loathed the sight of her husband pouting (hurting) on his bed and saw her chance to pounce and gain dominance over him. She did all sorts of wickedness to get this item for Ahab, and succeeded nicely. At the end it says she tells Ahab to "arise, and take possession of the land" She had to tell him to go and take it. This tells me that after all that, he didn't have a whole lot of desire for the "prize" he was unable to get which his wife massaged with her claws into his possession.

I said that Abigail acted because lives were in danger. I think this is so important because it is the Lord's heart and intent that the battered woman seek shelter, even if she has to leave the "shelter" of her husband and protect herself and the protection of the rest of her household. Abigail is our righteous wise example of that. Perhaps she wasn't battered, but she was in danger because of her husband's actions, or lack of.

I also think it is important to ponder her heart intent because no where in the Bible does it give authority to a woman to speak over her husband. I gulp as I read this knowing how just the other day I "confronted" my husband on something in the name of "anger management" or "my needs." This is an area I am in need of further pondering because as much as I hate to admit it, contrary to what well respected current authors have written, and what our huge society everywhere is telling us, there is no example in all of the Bible that gives a wife authority to correct her disobedient husband. In fact, it says just the opposite in 1 Peter. Quiet, chaste, respectful, submissive. I can say, at this point, this passage has not yet taken root deeply in my heart. And I hope and pray with all I have that I can be obedient to it in fullness and with healthiness.

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

(1 Peter 3:1-2 NKJV)

So Abigails heart's intent behind her action was not to usurp or degrade her husband. It was not to correct him, or place herself in a higher authority over him. It was not even to confront him as a "brother in the Lord." It was simply to protect herself and her household from harm.

Dare I say as a conclusion to this short study, that as women of the King, and wives in obedience to the Holy Word, that God requires us to go 180 degrees against our popular society and not seek control of our home? Dare I say that we keep our mouths shut when our husbands don't seem to be doing what they should do? Dare I say that the only time we interfere is when we or our family is going to be in harms way (physical, emotional, or spiritual) by our husband's action or lack of action? Dare I say that interference only takes the direct correction towards the harm coming our way and is never directed at our spouse? This requires faith, faith that God will act on my behalf if I obey Him just as He instructs me in 1Peter and in the day of Abigail. God saw Abigail and He made her queen to the most noble of all historical kings. jezebel's blood was slain on the streets and licked up by the dogs.

My Week 1/12/10

2010-01-12T16:09:00.001-08:00

We started back into school again this week. Back to the 5:30am grind. Sheesh, how many times does an alarm have to go off for me to pull myself out of bed. But an hour to pray before Miriam gets up and stare into the fire is a beautiful thing, even if I have to go to bed earlier. Miriam and I also have gotten some very good Bible time commuting the 22 minutes to and from her little school. She has also started memorizing "The Song of Moses" during the commute. I do enjoy my 5 hours of time while she is at school to clean house, run errands and do art. It has been a good thing. Although, I must admit, I almost feel guilty about it. Nuts eh? I am not sure where that guilt comes from and why I am feeling it. Something for me to ponder I guess. I sort of think it is because I like my alone time almost too much, and have not had it for mmmm 7 years. So far I am half-way done with a painting. It is turning out quite nice. Hopefully it will end nice.

This week we met another messianic family in town here. Praise the Lord! There have been so few that I have ran into so far here, and it has been such a lonely 3 years because of this, that this is a big deal.

This morning was M.O.P.S. I planted seeds for an herb pot with the ladies. Next month I am planning to teach some easy tole painting to paint a pot with, and plant our herbs in. I have never done tole painting so I will spend a few days in the next couple weeks teaching myself. I sure like having a teaching outlet for all my tid-bitty things I do.

I made fantastic sourdough whole wheat blueberry muffins last Friday. They turned out scrumptious! If you are interested in the recipe, here is the link. Muffins
I mixed up everything, then put them in their tins and let them sit for 4-5 hours to let the sourdough ferment a little, then baked them. I used 1/2 honey 1/2 stevia for the sugar. The temperature was way too high in the recipe given. I ended up burning them a little after only 10 minutes. So next time I will drop the temp to 375 and keep a careful eye on them for doneness. Well worth the effort and they will become a regular in this home.

Time Management Tip

2010-01-11T12:45:00.001-08:00

From a comment in response to a time management article in Michelle Goodman's Nine to Thrive Blog:

"I solved my time problem by getting rid of greed which turned out to be caused by fear. Fear of not meeting a lot of insane expectations. I also gave away all the stuff I don't actually need.

It's not you, it IS our constantly accelerating culture which is mad. And contrary to the notion that to be sane in a mad world is to be mad, I say to be mad is to be mad. Period."

Faithfulness

2010-01-06T14:52:00.000-08:00

As faithful as the sun rise, that is our God.

What would life be like if we could not count on the sun rising everyday, at the correct hour, full of heat and light?

The sun comes up and sets everyday consistently. This is faithfulness, this is our example. We are to be like the sun, everyday the same, in everything good, with a heart full of worship toward our God.

As faithful as the sunrise, warm bright and beautiful.

This photo was taken from our back porch in Kalispell, MT; winter of 2006.

My Week 1/3/10

2010-01-03T11:22:00.000-08:00

A lot happened this week, and a lot did not. It was a very quiet week really. I am sitting enjoying a cup of tea in Omak at the in laws. I sure love my husbands folks. They are good to us and incredible grandparents. As I sit and write the rest of the crew is out behind the house sledding down the couple of slanted acres they own back there. We came up spur of the moment on Friday as the folks, "sounded lonely" according to Justin. Yesterday we all hit the hills in our snow shoes. Something young and old can all enjoy together. Something about Richland that we miss the most is the lack of snow. It makes a good excuse to drive the flat 3 1/2 hours up the Columbia River to visit them.

My sister's brother-in-law (my sister's husband's sister's husband) was one of the CIA agents killed in Afghanistan last week. A good man killed as a soldier. May God care for his family and bless them. He died noble. It is crazy though, when a suicide bomber hits that close to home. May our country, and especially those in power wake up and see the realness of the issues and how much of a religious war we are fighting. Our country is being stupid and leaving the peoples wide open in the name of political correctness and other such hoo hash. I have not been up on the news with this specific Afghanistan case, but I know that the ones happening in our country are flat out stupid. These bombers are getting by because no one wants to offend anyone.

I watched "Food Inc." early in the week. It is a movie about the monstrous food companies that control our country and our gullible eating habits. I have always been a fairly conscientious eater, not necessarily organic only though. But I am certainly re-thinking that, especially concerning store bought meat. Locally bought and butchered is the best though always, organic or not. It is healthier and it helps the small time farmers. I highly recommend the video, and I think it is rent-able.

I am thankful for the snow, for my in laws, for my generous and pure-hearted husband. I am thankful that I can look forward to 5 months of consistent art time for myself while Miriam is in school. May I be diligent with that. I am thankful for dreams and ambitious avenues.

Face Book

2010-01-01T13:26:00.000-08:00

One, two, three strikes you're out to my fun little face-book game. No more for me, too much hoo hash. For pictures and videos of us, visit our Picasa and YouTube sites.

http://decreesofjustinian.blogspot.com/2010/01/grabbing-dog-by-ears.html

Liver 'n' Lentils

2010-01-01T11:17:00.000-08:00

Prep:
1) soak lentils 1 day ahead
2) 2 hours before meal marinate liver
3) 1 hour chop/cook time
*serves 4

1/2 pound of beef or chicken liver, (organic only, important!)
1 cup lentils, soaked and sprouted
1 large onion (2 if you really like sauted onions)
2 cups fresh spinach
olive oil
salt

*slice liver thinly, soak in lemon juice for at least 30 minutes
*saute onion in ample amount of olive oil and salt on low until caramelized
*bring stove to a medium heat, add lentils, saute until browned and softened
*add spinach and saute until wilted
*salt to taste
*remove lentil mix
*drain lemon juice, at this point you can bread your liver or just saute it in more olive oil on medium heat
*serve lentils over rice or quinoa, with a few slices of liver on top

I like this recipe because liver is so good for a person, but I can't eat very much of it at one sitting. This way I still get a lot of protein from the lentils and all the excellent vitamins from a little liver.

Pantry:
lentils
olive oil
salt
rice/quinoa

Groceries:
1/2# organic liver
2 cups fresh spinach
1-2 large onions

Chili

2009-12-26T12:23:00.000-08:00

Prep:
1) soak beans night before
2) add all ingredients, start crock in morning (6 or more hours)
*serves a lot

4 cups dry beans, soaked rinsed
1-2 # beef
1/4 cup red wine
2 onions
2-4 tbl canned minced red pepper (or use fresh jalapenos)
1 whole garlic, peeled chopped
1 tbl cumin
2 tbl oregano
2 tbl basil
1-2 tbl salt
6 or more cups water

*put all ingredients in crock, cook on high all day
*then add

2 cans tomotoes or 4 fresh tomatoes chopped
2 cans tomato paste

*serve with chips, sour cream and avocado, or corn bread!

Pantry List:
beans
canned red pepper
cumin
oregano
basil
salt
tomato paste
tomato diced

Groceries:
1-2 # beef
1/4 cup red wine
2 onions
1 whole garlic
chips, sour-cream, avocado (all optional)

This recipe comes from "Nourishing Traditions," (more or less)

Beef-Barley Soup

2009-12-26T12:12:00.000-08:00

Prep:
1) sprout barley or lentils one day ahead
2) start crock in the morning
*serves 6

1 1/2 pounds lean ground beef, cooked
1 chopped onion
1 clove of garlic, minced
2/3 cup sprouted barley (or lentils)
4 carrots, diced
1 can of tomatoes, or 2 tomatoes chopped
6 cups water
3 tbl dry beef stock or, 2 tbl salt to taste
1 bay leaf
1/4 c. minced fresh parsley or 2 tbl dry

*add ingredients to crock, except for tomatoes
*cook on high until boiling, transfer to low and simmer 5-6 hours
*add tomatoes, serve with hearty sourdough toast

*to sprout barley or lentils;
-soak overnight in water in a one quart glass jar
-drain water, put on a mesh lid or cover with a cheese cloth secured with a rubber-band
-tip upside down at an angle so water drains and air can get in
-rinse and drain every 4 hours or so for 1 more day until little sprouts can be seen

Pantry:
barley or lentils
1 can tomatoes
salt
bay leaf
parsley

Groceries:
1 1/2 # beef
1 chopped onion
garlic
4 carrots
2 tomatoes (if not using canned)
sourdough bread

Hawaiian Beans

2009-12-26T12:06:00.000-08:00

Prep:
1) soak beans night before
2) start crock in the morning
* serves 8

1# (2 cups) dry beans
1# sausage, chopped (any sausage spiced meat will do, try to find beef/turkey without nitrates)
3 tbl molasses
3 tbl apple cider vinegar
3 tbl flour
2, 18oz cans pineapple chunks in natural juice
4-6 cups water

*soak beans overnight, drain
*add all ingredients to crock pot, cook 6 or more hours
*serve over rice

Pantry:
beans
molasses
apple cider vinegar
flour
canned pineapple chunks
rice

Groceries:
1# sausage meat, non-nitrate beef or turkey

Fiesta Chicken Beans

2009-12-26T12:01:00.000-08:00

Prep:
1) start beans night before
2) start crock in the morning with beans
3) add remaining ingredients 2 hours before meal is served
* serves 8

2 cups beans
1 # chicken pieces
1# frozen corn
2 diced potatoes
1 chopped onion
2 chopped carrots
3 chopped celery
1/2 cup barley
2 cups spagetti sauce,
(2 cans tom. paste, 1 tbl italian seasoning, 2 tsp salt, 2 tbl a.c. vinegar, 1 tbl sweetener)
2 can olives, with juice
1 tbl salt, to taste

*soak beans overnight, cook beans for 4 hours in crock in 6 cups water
*add all ingredients
*cook another 1-2 hours

Pantry:
beans
barley
tomato sauce, (tomato paste, italian seasoning, a.c. vinegar, sweetener)
olives
salt

Groceries:
1 # chicken
1 # frozen corn
2 potatoes
1 onion
2 carrots
3 celery stalks

Perfect Dark Fudge, Healthy!!!!?

2009-12-26T11:10:00.000-08:00

Oh, my......I just made the best creation EVER last night! Healthy home-made fudge. It was rich, dark, and it melted soft and sweet in my mouth. And it was ever so easy to make.

Ingredients:
2 cups coconut oil
1 1/2 cups honey (I am going to try 1 cup honey next time)
2 cups cocoa powder (1 cup for a lighter chocolate)
1 cup coconut milk powder
1/2 tsp salt
chopped walnuts (optional)

*line a 9x12 inch pan with parchment paper
*put 1 cup of the "oil" in a microwavable bowl
*put the rest of the ingredients in a food processor (minus nuts)
*melt the 1 cup oil in the microwave until it is all clear and runny
*pulse gently the ingredients in the food processor
*slowly add the melted oil and continue to pulse while you are adding it (don't over blend, it will separate), stir in nuts
*after it is all blended pour the runny fudge into the lined pan
*refrigerate for 1-2 hours
*cut, keep refrigerated until ready to serve

2009-12-24T21:58:00.000-08:00

I just realized that I had comments blocked by non blogger peoples. Sorry, I just changed it. I was wondering why I was getting visitors and only a couple people ever gave feed back! I love feed back, otherwise I am left wondering if I am a little too far out there, as in, off my rocker. I feel like I should have called my page, "Crystal's Rants" as of late. This should not be so. Perhaps soon, I will actually have real pictures and scans of some new creations!

Baked Beans

2009-12-23T16:03:00.000-08:00

Prep:
1) start beans night before
2) start crock in the morning
*serves 12

1# of dry beans (about 3 cups) any kind will do, I like black beans because of the high iron content
6 cups water
1-2 tbl salt (to taste)
1/2 cup molasses
2 tsp dry mustard
1/4 tsp (rounded) stevia extract
1 chopped onion
1 pound of roast beef, cooked or uncooked is fine

*soak beans overnight, drain
*add all ingredients to a crock pot, simmer all day or at least 5 hours
note: if the beans get dry after a few hours add a little more water
*serve with hearty sourdough bread

Pantry:
beans
molasses
dry mustard
stevia
salt

Groceries:
1 # roast beef
1 onion
sourdough bread

Cold Remedies

2009-12-23T15:14:00.000-08:00

Miriam and I just went through a doozy of a cold. Not the swine flu but a bad one anyhow. It started with an ear ache for her and went to sore throat to a small cough back to a sore swollen throat. For me, I went on a walk one day last week, came home and wham! I was out with a nasty sore throat and an achy body all!!! over. It went on like this for about 5 days then it snuck into my chest. I had coughing fits uncontrollably for about another 4 days. It was terrible! And my throat was sore and swollen the whole time, and I was tired and achy. Miriam thankfully never had the cough like I did. The other two people I know who got it both had to get antibiotics. One for an ear infection and the other because her throat swelled up so bad she could hardly talk. At this point for both of them it was bacteria they were fighting, not the initial virus. I tried hard to avoid this with us, knowing how much antibiotics devastate a persons immune system for the rest of the year. Especially if they don't replenish their system with pro-biotics.

Today is day two of being on the up-swing toward getting better. Yahhoooo! I learned a few things this time around.

1) Miriam is very allergic to something in a kind of herbal cough syrup I got us. No more of that. But I don't know what it was in it she reacted to.

2) My love for Vick's Vapor Rub has been reconfirmed. I lived on this stuff this week. It was the only thing besides coffee that calmed my coughing fits. I can't drink coffee at night. Perhaps ephedrine would have done the trick, but I can't take that stuff. My heart feels like it is going to burst out of my chest and thump down the road whenever I have put 1/2 an ounce of that down my throat.

3) Eucalyptus in the vaporizer is a fantastic thing to sooth the air passages! (I knew this before though)

4) A hot onion pack is a miracle cure for an ear ache! I was shocked and amazed how this worked on Miriam. To do, chop 1/2 an onion and put it in a clean cloth. Tie it shut with a piece of yarn, to make a pack. Microwave for 2 minutes. Let it cool a little then put it on the ear while laying down for 10 minutes. I was told it is the onion oils, but I am not sure what it is in in that helps.

5) Epsom salts...Whooda thunk that one. It is good to sooth bronchitis type things and asthma attacks when used as a soak in a bath tub. As I was reading about it, it is also good to help a person sleep at night, which I suppose I knew, but I did not know why. Magnesium from the salts is absorbed through the skin when bathed in. Miriam and I both have a very small amount of trouble with "happy feet" we call it, a little bit of night-time restlessness, in our legs. This could be from a magnesium deficit. I know I have always loved the natural mineral hot springs. I will be taking more Epsom salt baths me thinks.

5)Hard core vitamin C. The book I read recommended to make an elixir consisting of 1/2 sodium ascorbic powder and 1/2 citric acid powder (both vit C powders of different forms) with a bit of wheat germ oil. It said for viral infections in children to ramp up the dosage to over 3,000 mg per day, until they have a bit of diarrhea then back off 10%. Wow. I did not go that far, but I did follow their formula and gave us both 1,000mg twice a day, me 3 times. This is when I first noticed the difference in our bodies getting a hold of this flu bug. The book said you could go higher with the level of vit C with two forms over one without it causing diarrhea, and that is the reason for the two forms. (You can't overdose on vit C, fyi) I found the sodium ascorbic was harder to find. This is the first time I have tried this though and have not tested it over years so I don't know if it was this that helped or just the time. But we are getting better without antibiotics! Yeeeahh! (This elixir came from "Healing Children Naturally" by yes....Dr. Savage. Good book.)

Date Cookies

2009-12-22T17:33:00.000-08:00

TASTY!

2 cups flour (whole wheat)
2 cups pitted dates
1 tsp all spice
1/2 tsp soda
1/2 cup coconut (optional)
1/2 cup chopped pecans (optional)
1/2 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup butter, softened (olive oil can be substituted)
1 egg
1 tsp orange extract
1/4 tsp vanilla

*blend dates and 1 cup flour in blender until dates are chopped fine
*mix dry ingredients
*mix in wet ingredients
*drop by tbl on baking sheet, press lightly with a fork
*bake 375deg for 10-15 minutes

Jonathan

2009-12-22T11:09:00.000-08:00

I love the character of Jonathan, son of Saul. Why is he not talked more about and exalted higher in a historical sort of way than he is? Think about him, the son of the king with a fully humble, pure and bold heart. He was humble enough to step down from his inherited position and let David become the God ordained king of Israel. He was pure enough to love David, more than himself and serve him, even risking his life for David. He was bold enough to stand against King Saul his father and tell him he was wrong and to side against his father, and side with his father's chosen enemy, David. This is a man with no haughtiness, bitterness, jealousy or guile about him. This is a great man! I love the character of Jonathan!

"..the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."

December

2009-12-16T10:37:00.000-08:00

"I was a prisoner but you never came....
After all these could be your own children dying. Your wives, mothers, husbands, sons...
We must weep the tears that they've been crying. With prayer we take our stand beside, so they won't be alone....
It is the Lord who sets the prisoners free"
Michael Card, "Soul Anchor"

Being alone in the face of persecution....This my brethren is probably the hardest thing to stand up under. I think.

I love my God. His name is YHWH, and his son is Yeshua. Yeshua (Jesus) was Jewish, is Jewish. He died on a stake for his church, Israel and those of us who by our faith are grafted in. He died so that we could be saved through this gift (grace) of his death, fulfilling the need for a sacrificial atonement of blood according to his book, the Torah. I love this book, the Torah or Bible. He fulfilled the Torah perfectly something which human hearts will never be able to do. He taught the Torah before he died on the stake and wants us to grasp hold of him, to love him with all of our heart soul mind and strength. This is faith, it is an action. Love also is an action. They are fierce.

This love for my GOD will cause me to wage a fierce war against my flesh in order to serve him.

This love will keep me fiercely joined with my husband.
This love will quiet my angry mouth.
This love will bring my hands to fold another load of laundry.
This love will pull me out of bed way before my body wants to get up.
This love will make me speak against the (wrong) voice of the group.
This love will cause me to make my dear mother so sad because I won't join her in December.

It is love for my God. It is fierce hatred for every lying thought and evil inclination in my heart and in the world around me. It is not hatred for my loved ones, who don't see this Torah as I do.

Channukah is what we celebrate during the month of December. Do you know what Channukah is about? It is about a time of rancid persecution of the people of God who would not bow down to an evil man and an evil system. This evil man wanted all the Jews to forget their Torah and serve him. He made decrees like, you shall not observe the Sabbath (Saturday) you shall eat unclean meat, you shall not observe the Biblically appointed holidays...on and on. These people paid with their lives in gruesome, horrid martyrdom. Many paid with their children's lives also. But it ends with a miraculous victory a small band of Jews had over this large oppressor. They defeated the enemies and took back the Holy Temple. This happened a couple hundred years before the birth of Yeshua.

Did you know that Yeshua is recorded as having observed the feast of Channukah? (John 10:22) The Jews of the time of Channukah kept themselves pure and were killed for it. In just the same way, may I stand beside them, His beloved, with fierceness as I follow after my God, the God of the Jews. May He give me the strength I need. May you understand.

Hot Almond Cream

2009-12-14T12:37:00.000-08:00

A Channukah Tradition! (for the Billing family)

2 cups cream
1 cup butter
1/2 cup maple syrup
1 tbl kosher gelatin
1/2 tbl stevia extract (powdered)
2 teaspoons almond extract
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

*Melt on low heat until butter is melted and mixed, stir continuously

Use 1/4 cup h.a. cream per 1 mug of hot water
Sprinkle with nutmeg

Enjoy

Long Distant Society

2009-11-21T12:18:00.000-08:00

I sometimes think God made a mistake when He birthed me in 1979. In my opinion, I should have been born in the year 1859. Or maybe He created me for this time so that I could be frustrated enough at our society to speak about it and perhaps change my world a little bit? I know He knows, but I know this, going to and fro, all over the world like we do tends to be more of a curse than a blessing. Especially when it comes to relationships of close family and friends.

Can you give a child a hard rock and tell them, "Here son, I will love you through this rock," then speak to them without looking at them or touching them? What do you think would happen to this youngster if that is all the emotional nurturing they receive? I can whole heartedly say that I am not that different. Sure I may be 30, and these other relationships are not my primary sources of security, but touch, facial expression and general countenance are the primary forms through which tenderness is expressed to me. It is usually not the words. Counselors say 7% of communication is the words. To be a "whole" person, adults need tenderness from others, especially family and good buddies, beyond only their spouse. Wouldn't you agree? I have always hated talking on the phone. I think I get this from my folks who are the same way. I am shy, and lull phone moments make me very uncomfortable. Consequently I don't pick up the phone much and talk to people voluntarily. It is just down-right hard for me to do that. For those of you who have felt neglected, sorry. Please don't take it personal. I would much rather write you a letter or send you a care package, or even better look you in the eye and watch the hidden cues of your facial muscles as you tell me how you are doing. Sorry, I am very visual and I see more than you think I do... But oh, I do hate the phone.

All of the written forms of communication have good and bad qualities to them, but can they ever replace a hug or a good chat over a cup of tea? NEVER!!! Most all of you I think would agree. But how about the misconceptions that happen in written form? This can be downright painful for me to witness at times. I have seen families, close friends and churches split because of mis-interpretation of written words. I know that there have been times on Face-Book when I have tried to say something helpful and it is taken very much the wrong way and outright offense is taken instead. Just the other day my husband with his somewhat off color sense of humor was "defriended" on Face-Book by a lady (a good friend of mine) who didn't know him well and was highly offended at a "funny" comment he made on one of her posts. This would never have happened if she knew the man behind the comment. But does she? No, it is simply a cyber-space non-reality relationship they have. He hit a cord with her that he did not know was there because likewise, he didn't know her! Arggg. Do you hear my frustration? Some of my biggest relational mistakes have been because of tonal miss-interpretation of my writing. I have learned the hard way not to deal with negative issues by writing letters, unless I am going to be sitting directly next to the recipient, so it can be discussed. Growing up I used to do this with my father, because I often felt too reserved to speak with him all of my thoughts any other way. But we would generally talk (more or less) about what I wrote him. And this form of writing about the tough issues, I believe has a good place. But the key of course is that I lived with him and we communed other ways also.

Many times I have chosen not to deal with an offense of a loved one because there has been too much space between us to completely deal with it. I have thought many times, "Oh well, I only see them once in a blue moon anyhow." Although from all I know about these issues is that in order to have healthy relationships and to help the other loved person overcome their offensive behavior, I would be doing them a service to speak to them about it and stick close by their side no matter what in order to help them over-come it. But where is the sticking by their side if they live 500 miles away? Thus, issues are generally swept under the rug and grow bigger as they grow mold.

I am not under the conviction that it is the best thing for adult children to live and raise their own family away from their parents. I think just the opposite actually. The happiest most content children I know are generally the ones who's gram and gramp have a daily part in their lives. I can often spot them out in a crowd of kids. The children are peaceful and bright. I think this is a multi-faced issue.

The first one is simply having a positive loving adult caring for them. Nobody loves a child like grandma and grandpa. Rairly is a seregate grandparent a reality, even if we try sometimes, unless the person has a parenting role in the child's parent also. A real grandparent is another person besides mom or dad to play with them, teach them, spend time with them, such and such, whom loves them wholly, as their own. This takes the full weight off mom and dad to provide the child with "saturation love" and puts a little of that weight on another person. Also, a person to love young mom and dad when the road gets choppy is needed. Parenting, marriage, and life generally is hard. There are days when someone who we know loves us no matter what is a necessity. Someone whom we can blab all day to, cry to, or perhaps go fishing with. Whom better than our own (elder) mom or dad?

The second aspect is the growth of the young parent's character when they have to deal with grandma and grampa's aging oddities, good or bad. Along with aging there is simply having to deal with a close family member, who probably doesn't live with the young parents and who's communication is probably not perfect. Life issues, annoyances, ect. certainly come up and need to be dealt with. Patience and character are formed as we love through all of these things and deal with them according to scripture. As patience is formed in us young parents, it is translated also into patience toward our children.

The next one is also obvious, wisdom. Believe it or not, our elder parents know what they are talking about. How many times I have disagreed and did it my way. How many times does my daughter not believe me and does it her way, argg! Parents can certainly give advice from a distance, but how do they know the fullness of the problem unless they are witnessing the problem?

Of course there are situations where it is healthier for adult children to live somewhere else, but in my opinion, not usually.

Life is lonely without those who aught to be closest to us, living next door. I often dream and long for a day when we will have family or old family-like friends near by to share life with. As it is, our culture is not set up that way and I have to sadly be content to move along and let my relationships linger, to try hard to keep the line at least continue to be smooth and straight between us. I have no conclusion, only disarray. But, my hope and prayer for you and me, in this confused time in history is this, that there will be a friend who sticks closer than a brother everywhere we find ourselves. Lord provide and we perhaps can make it.

Loss/Grieving

2009-11-14T12:37:00.000-08:00

I thought this was fantastic counseling tool. It is from our adoption course PRIDE book. I have not dealt with a lot of loss but the amount I have dealt with I have found this to be right on. The point we want to come to is understanding, which leads to healing, or coping/managing as they term it. Also notice the cycle, anger-depression-acting out, circle. It being one step further than shock or bargaining and part of the process.

Also note this is loss generally, not just the loss of a significant person. It could relate to all change!

I think that our culture does not allow people to feel deeply, which is necessary for dealing with loss and grieving. We are generally scared of it. And those around us usually have not grown up allowing people room for the negative outward showings. They need our patience in their anger and depression and an accepting ear.

"Oh just get over it already." Ya right.

Salt Dough or Better Known as Play Dough

2009-11-07T10:43:00.000-08:00

This is a great folk recipe for home made play dough which can be baked and kept forever. You can also color your dough with a packet of unsweetened cool-aid.

- 2 cups white flour
- 1 cup salt
- 1/2 cup corn starch
- 1 cup water
- 2 tbl oil
- pack of cool-aid (optional)

Mix dry ingredients
Add wet ingredients
kneed 10 minutes
Let rest for 30 minutes or more in sealed bag

Shape
Bake at 130 deg for the first 30 minutes, then raise the temp to 200 for 1.5 hours more or until the pieces are uniform in color
Turn off the oven and leave inside the oven until cool

After Cool:
Sand off any imperfections
Seal with a varnish or mog-podge gloss or matte
Paint

Does God Cry?

2009-11-06T21:43:00.001-08:00

"If you love me....."

Does a person always feel a pressing desire to do their God given calling in life? Can the Lord call us to something we really don't want to do, while we know full well that He, the Creator of the Universe has given us every tool necessary to perform the task at hand? How about all the but(s) and what if(s)? How about the daily work involved and tight budgeting of time and money. Jump ship, put everything on hold...just one more time....distract myself from the direction. Tarshish sounds good right now.

I am 30 years old, I have a good husband and a lovely amazing daughter. I am a stay at home mom. My husband has a good job, we live in a great house and my days are full. God has blessed me. But.....wait a sec'. This isn't what I wanted 10 years ago.

I will tell you of a conversation I vividly remember before I was married. Justin and I were riding in a car somewhere in the country in Montana. I remember the grassy hillsides and the trees and fences. He asked me how many children I wanted. My reply, "10 boys," just like that, no question, while looking out to the fields and knowing we would need to be in them.

I had a dream once of a little boy with a turban on his head. I was bending over feeding him rice out of a little spoon.

I wrote Justin a poem once of my disdain for the American dream.

I had a dream once of Justin sitting in an arm chair looking very dignified and wise, while thinking to myself, "Who am I to have married such a man?"

I told someone 7 years ago that I needed to be given to and content to be pregnant because I was planning on being that way on and off for another 20 years.

Last Tuesday Justin went to a seminar on foster parenting. Cussing at your dinner table, masterbating on your couch, liars and manipulators. These are real things. Parents who love the devil. "God, do you really want me to give my life to raise their heritage? Why can't I just have a little Justin, or 10 little Justin's? Tall handsome and wise?"

This world is dark. I see now in my 3rd decade shadows of that darkness. But only very small shadows. 10 years ago, I did not see even shadows. Naivety succumbed me. God sees it all. Does He cry? How about the little child crying to Him for help? God sees it all. Does He cry? He hears it all. The little child under the bed. He sees it all.

"...you will keep my commandments."

"Oh, I love you Lord. Help me do your will. Sunshine for one little child."

Sour-Dough Nut Bread

2009-11-06T21:10:00.000-08:00

Beautiful Ain't It?

This is my second loaf of very beautiful real sour-dough bread. This one was very different from the first. I kneeded in over a cup of ground nuts to the final product.

My ingredients:
*2 cups (rye and water only) sour dough starter
*1/4 cup cool water
*2 tsp salt
*4 or so cups dark whole wheat flour
kneed 10 minutes

add:
*1 cup plus ground almonds and sunflower seeds
kneed until blended

Bake at 350 deg for about an hour.

I think the trick is.....rye starter and letting it rise until doubled on my stove top with the oven turned on to 100 degrees. (about 4-6 hours)

2 House Rules

2009-10-23T22:56:00.000-07:00

We have 2 sets of house rules posted on the wall, where everyone can read and refer back to them.

The first one is the 10 commandments. These can not be broken, ever without consequences that include biblical discipline. These include all forms of dishonoring parents, which is what we deal with the most as far as the 10 commandments are concerned.

The second one is our own individual house rules based on the way our family functions using biblical and cultural guide lines. These can be bended if there has been a respectful appeal, or in other words a reasonable request to do otherwise. But only if it is okayed by dad and mom before hand. On every house rule there is a negative consequence that happens if the rule is broken. For example: Someone complains at the dinner table about the food, they get to do the dishes. Simple.

I implemented this system about 4 months ago. Wow. Brilliant. Thanks Lou Priolo.